Fleeting Moments

What would you do if you had just one moment to live? Would you try to make the most of it or would you succumb to the despair of the truth?

There are things in life that are just Fleeting Moments, just like the image above, where you can see just a left over of the bus and cars that passed by, and even though that moment has come and gone, the camera was able to capture but just a tiny bit of what it was and with it capture the beauty of the moment.

What if you never knew happiness and you were left with the option to have a fleeting moment of happiness with no promise to ever feel it again. What would you do with the rest of your life, knowing that that amazing moment may never come back. How would you ensure to extend the joy you felt? How do you make the most of it? Would you cry on your knees as you thank God for that moment? Would you cry with a grateful heart, yet cry and cry and cry? What if it was something even harder to deal with? What if you always wanted a child and they tell you you will have one, but he will die within a year. What would you do? Would you even choose to have it? What if he never dies? What if he does? What if the chances of him living are 10%? 5%? 1%?  But 1% is still a chance!!!!

How do you see the future?

All my life I have struggled with not knowing what the future holds, and at the same time not wanting to know the future if it's not going to be what I want. Yet since I came into Christ I have had something a bit different happen.  I have this Blind Faith in God. He knows what's best for me. So, that means that if something good happens to me now is because I deserve it. God loves us, and he would never want anything bad to happen to us. So when my thoughts start going south and down a spiral of negativeness then I have to stop myself and say: God wants what's best for me. I will be happy with what God gives me.

So why am I sad? I am sad because I am here January 1st completely alone in my house, and I sulk!!

What if I look back at my life and notice that every single thing that has happened in my life has been a result of other things that have happened. I can trace back things that have happened to me that without them today would not be true. God is supposed to be in charge, if we let him. And I let him.


There are many things that go through my head that I don't feel in the liberty to share here, like my questions on why God gives us what he gives us. My conflict stems from seeing some things and hearing other things that are in direct opposition of what you are hearing, but this time it's the opposite of what people are used to seeing.  There's the saying that says: Actions speak louder than words! and it's usually used when a person says things (I love you, trust in me, etc etc) yet acts in direct opposition to those words. But what if it was the opposite? What if a person says they can never love you, yet they treat you as if they did? Does that make sense??? Who do you listen to? The words or the actions? We tend to listen to the negative in either situation, but it makes no sense...But it doesn't matter. We can't tell what is real and what is not real.

But whatever the reason, I don't have to be sad. Tomorrow my girls come back and I won't be alone anymore. We will be able to cuddle together in the couch and do things together!


Wish me safe travels getting my girls back.

Do you ever struggle with crazy negative feelings when you are alone? Do you ever wonder what your life brings? How do you deal with it?

New Year, New Life, New Perspective in Life

So today is the last day of the year 2013, my favorite year. Why is it my favorite year? First of all my favorite number is 13!! Second of all, I believe this year has brought many beautiful things in my life along with some not so beautiful, like my divorce, but with every thing that happens, good or bad there is always something that we learn and that we get out of every experience.

This was the year that my first born turned 13 and I am glad to have been able to give her a birthday party even though she wasn't going to be with me on her actual birthday. Just like my babies will not be with me as the year comes to an end and a new one begins, but come January 2nd my babies will be back with me once more.

I want to take the time to Thank God for everything he has given me this year.

Thank you God for:

My beautiful daughters, they are my life and without them I would be lost. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to have them with me and be healthy and happy and help me raise them good, with good values and love for you God.

Thank you for providing me with a nice home, big enough for us and that we have nice things.

Thank you for my job God, for my co-workers, and my boss. Thank you for letting me know that at my job I have a second family and because it provides me with challenges and enough money to sustain myself and my daughters.

Thanks God for my family, because I have my grandparents still alive and they are still strong at 91. Thank you for my mom, and my aunt and my cousins and my brother and my sister and my dad and everyone else who can be considered my family, may it be by blood or not, because family are those who you keep in your heart.

God Thanks for my Church, because I have found an amazing Church with an Amazing Pastor, because I can truly say that he is honest and a true man of God. Someone I can look up to for advice and for support and for encouragement and because he's a great role model.

God, thanks for my car, even though I have a love/hate relationship with it, it has helped me to get to and from places and it has facilitated many great moments with my family and friends.

Thanks God for my Best Friends, Tania, Nancy and Vini because they have been there for me in good times and bad times. And this past week when I have been alone without my girls on the holidays they have helped me have a GREAT time. I love you guys!!

Thank you God, for all these things, and for the Sky, and the clouds and for Manta Rays and for Music and Photography and Internet and Life!

God, I am really grateful for what you have given me this year, for every smile, and every tear, for every tiny bit of happiness and every great and amazing moment when you have allowed me to feel loved even if just for a moment.

Thank you Lord, for with you all things are possible!!!

May the new year bring many blessings to all and may you be able to Thank God yourself for all the blessings he will give you.

What are you grateful for coming the new Year?

Being Thankful and Other Things

 

This is the Season, the Holidays are right around the corner and we just finished celebrating Thanksgiving, and with that I think that comes a time of Reflection on what are we Thankful for.

Today at Church the Pastor talked about how we should be thankful for God's Grace and do so with out grumbling. He discussed the scripture John 5:1-15 that talks about a man who was at a Healing Pool and he had been ill for 38 years, when asked he started putting blame on others John 5:7 , then Jesus heals him and he walks away, without saying Thanks, and then when the Religious Leaders scold him for carrying a mat on the Sabbath, he has no problem throwing Jesus under the bus by directing to him the "Fault" of why he was carrying the mat  John 5:9-11. Basically he grumbled. He was not grateful and he redirected blame on others for whatever happened to him.

What am I trying to get at here? We Should Not Grumble. I have a really good friend who woke up today grumbling, he had stuffy nose, tooth ache, he had to go to work, he complained about this, and that. When I showed him a picture of the amazingly beautiful sky he got upset because he hasn't been able to take a picture with that kind of sky as a background. He was grumbling. I tried to change his mood, or at least get him distracted from his grumpiness and told him to think about how amazing his pictures will be when he does take those pictures with that kind of sky as a background. Then I changed the subject, and I think it worked because he did not grumble any more after that. :)

The curious thing is that I experienced this with him in the morning before Church and then at Church I hear this message that helped me notice this and  then I started thinking that I don't grumble. I'm grateful every day for everything. I don't complain.  But then I begin to grumble myself.  I grumble when I see happy couples because I am transitioning into divorce and I see these four couples that I know closely that are also recently divorced and they are currently with a new partner, and seem to be extremely happy.  But I'm not. I grumble because I can't understand how can a couple break up and soon after be in an amazing relationship, and why I am not in a wonderful relationship. I grumble when I see these couples posting pictures of themselves on facebook, hugging, smiling, in gatherings. Bleh!!! It makes me want to puke!! But that's just what I say on the outside. Because the truth is that I want that! I want the wonderful relationship just like them.  But at the same time I realize that all these couples seem to be best friends, and I never had that. In all my years of life I have never had a partner who started off being my best friend. Never! Can you believe that? I can't! But I believe that is the KEY! I need to learn to have a best friend first so it can end up in a relationship.I must say that before my husband left, I did not have any best friends since middle school. After he left, I found several amazing people who are my Best Friends! 

We should be grateful, everyday. We should notice when good things are happening to us, and be grateful. Now it's my turn, because I am now grateful that I have been experiencing what true friendship is. Whether it be with a girl or a guy, these friendships that I have developed are helping me learn to deal with other people, to know what a close knit friend is. And they have become my family, my extended family.

I thank God for allowing me to learn from my experiences, so that I can evolve into the person I am supposed to be. Because by being a better person, and a better friend, I will open up the path to a new partner in my life.

What are you Thankful for? In which ways do you sometimes grumble? What steps can you take to stop grumbling and start being grateful?

Talking about Love

It has been a long time since I have written a post. More than a year I think. I have stayed away from the blog since my marriage didn't work. There is so much that I was feeling and I felt that I wasn't in the liberty to share it. I mean, too many people know who I am. I cannot talk about what happened, don't want to air my dirty laundry in the internet. There are some things that are better left unsaid.
I have struggled with my feelings, with my understanding of what life is. And as I go through this journey that may very possibly end in divorce I contemplate on the meaning of Love. What is Love? Is it an emotion? An action? A decision? Energy?
I have always felt that Love was like a decision. You make a commitment to be with a person and you try to work it out, no matter what. But not everyone thinks that way and there is also the issue of how much do you tolerate? How far do you go to make something work without loosing your very lively hood? When is it okay to quit on a relationship?
I guess every person is different. Many people stay together for different reasons which may or may not include LOVE.
But if you define Love as the energy of creation. It is also a conscious choice.
Jesus taught us Christians about a different kind of Love than we are used to. Agape Love, the Unconditional love a person has towards others. A love that you choose to have towards humanity, that gives value to all beings and it triggers a desire to help and be of service to others. I get that. I get that Agape Love towards humanity. But society has placed the value that Love should have in Sex. The media equates love with sex. Everywhere it is plastered all over the medias. But that I just don't get. It may be because I was with only one man in my life and could only understand the concept of sex in the context of an exclusive relationship. But the world tells us that sex is fun, it is something you should do as much as it is humanly possible. You must try with as many people as possible so you can learn and have fun and have something to compare it to. So you can make an educated choice on who the right person should be.
I think that sex should NOT be the determining factor on whether a person is a good partner or not. I believe that when you find that perfect partner and you both feel a connection and make a commitment to each other then the sex is going to be great! It should come from two individuals who are mentally and emotionally connected and compatible and then physically compatible.
I have tried to understand the sex industry but I can't. I am not looking for a partner who will give me awesome sex. I want someone who I can connect with. Who cares about me and my daughters. Who is interested in knowing all about me and is in no rush to learn everything in a day. Someone who is a good role model, hard working man, with goals and aspirations, who enjoys doing acts of service just like me, or that would at least encourage me to continue to follow that path. Someone who is willing to stick by my side. No matter what.
What do you identify with Love? What does LOVE mean to you?

Can you choose who you fall in Love with?

Today I was pondering on what Love is. In the book The Power from Rhonda Byrne, Love is the positive force of Life.

"Everything you want to be, do or have comes from love"

The book speaks of Love as energy, it is what makes us like anything. Every creation is dependent on love, because it is the passion, and love of the inventor that allows him to create. It is everything we want in life.

But what about Romantic Love?

There are many sayings about how we cannot choose who we love. But what if we could?
Lately I have been contemplating on the idea, on the possibility that Romantic Love is something that we ourselves create. We can have total control over it.

Many will say that it is not true. Maybe I have never felt true love. Maybe every person I have loved I have done so because I wanted to Love them. Does this make sense?

If you think of Love as an emotion, and we think that emotions come from our thoughts, and we take into consideration that we have total control of our thoughts, then it would make sense that we are in control of who we choose to fall in love with.

When I look back at my life, and to all I have ever loved, I now can see that there was some choice involved. Sometimes you like a certain quality in someone, and you have a particular want for that, and you make a choice to allow that person into your heart.

In the book  The Secrets of Happily Married Women it is mentioned that in the beginning stages of a romantic relationship there is a chemical reaction in our bodies that makes us feel infatuated to our new partners. And I also read that:

According to scientific research, emotions are generated during the process of meeting and falling in love because of chemical reactions that occur in our bodies. For example, whenever you first meet someone and feel attracted, your brain creates phenyl ethylamine, known as the "love drug." Dopamine and norepinephren are two more chemicals that arise from just thinking loving thoughts about another. Those two help us to feel excited and interested enough to actually touch or kiss someone, and that sets off more chain reactions, beginning with serotonin, which produces feelings of relaxation. Now the door to trust is open.  (excerpt)

But this chemical reaction in our bodies is just temporary. We stay in love because we make a choice to keep our partners and we make a conscious effort to nurture the Love.

But I also believe that the first initial reaction to someone, that first inkling of love, is also voluntary. We have to be open to the idea of love, we have to be looking for something, and we have to be open to become vulnerable to that attraction once we see someone we like. We have hope that the other person will like us back and if they don't then we feel rejected and sad because we feel the loss after we made the choice to open our hearts and be vulnerable to it.

At this moment in time I feel like I am a little bit hardened, I'm more cautious when it comes to allowing other people into my life, but I am still open to the possibility of someday allowing myself to love and be loved.  But I feel weird lately that I am hardened like this, because I see my relationships with people as being significant, but I see them as practical. I make the choice to be friends with whoever is my friend, but being fully aware of their flaws and their good qualities, and I am so cautious as to not allow myself to be vulnerable with anyone at this time. But part of me doesn't like it because there is no sense of that excitement, that feeling of being ecstatic for anything. I enjoy my days, I enjoy my family, my friends, but I am not excited about stuff in general, except maybe the coconut pops from Henson's Canteen at the Loom (LOL)

But I guess this is just a temporary phase and in a not so far away future I will feel safe enough to be vulnerable once again.

What do you think about Love? Do you think it is possible to choose Love? Or do you think it is something that chooses us and we have no control over it?

Please share!

The 10 Days to You Challenge - Three Films - Day 8

This is going to be a hard one. I don't think I can think of only 3 movies that I like, not even only 3 movies that had touched me. But I guess I will write 3 films that have some kind of importance to me. But I know it's going to be very hard.

Once again in no particular order:

*Only You - With Robert Downey Jr and Marisa Tomei. It's in Italy is Romantic, and it talks about topics like destiny and true love. This movie was in a Tie with another Robert Downey Jr movie that I've seen over 50 times and I'm not kidding and it's Chances Are, with Cybill Shepard. It's also about true love and destiny. Totally two of my favorite movies from RDJ.

*Ever After, a Cinderella Story - Also in my second "film" I'm going to be cheating by including some other movies about the same actor with similar topics. This movie by Drew Barrymore touched me very much, it makes me cry every time, like most movies about strong women that achieve good things. I like this story because it portrays Cinderella as a humble yet very strong woman. Very powerful and a great role model for young girls, better than the defenseless portrayals of princesses in other movies. Two other movies by Drew that include strong women achieving great things is Riding in Cars with Boys about the journey of a single mom who got pregnant in her teens but was able to raise her child and become a famous writer at the end. She was able to win over the adversities that presented themselves in her life, and Whip It! also by Drew Barrymore because it shows a girl who fights for what she loves, and goes after her goals no matter how hard it is. Very strong female role-models in my opinion.

*Tuff Turf - This was the first movie I ever saw of Robert Downey Jr when I was 11 years old. I must say this impacted the way I led my life for the following 18 years. Obsessing about Robert Downey Jr until I finally met him in 2005. What I loved about this movie, even though it has gang activity, bullying and other inappropriate behavior that I would not allow my 10 year old to see, but back in the day I was impressed with Robert Downey Jr because he was a great friend in the movie, he risked his life to save his friend and he was a hero to me. It also deals with topics like fighting back against bullying and being a friend to the new kid in town. About being ok with being yourself. And a few other movies that had similar impact were Satisfaction (Girls of Summer) with Justine Bateman and the Julia Roberts before she was famous. It's about a band of 3 girls and one boy. It deals also with themes about finding yourself, being true to yourself, a little bit of love and exploring life. And Shag (the movie) this one with Phoebe Cates who was a sensation back then in the 80's. It's about teenage girls going out on vacation after high school and having fun one last time before one of them is supposed to get married. It's also about discovery and being one's self.

As you can see these are mainly 3 topics of movies that I like and there are way more that I could include on this list, but I'm supposed to put only three.

So what do you say? What are your favorite movies? what has impacted your life?

And come back for day 9 of the challenge with Two Songs. This is going to be even harder than the 3 films!

Journey to Self Discovery

Not all of you know me well yet, but I want to share that for a lot of my life I have been trying to search for my True Identity. That's why I have started this Blog to begin with. Because I believe that if we help our children be true to themselves right from the beginning, then they will grow to be self confident, happy individuals. And that is my goal, to help parents all over the world to help their kids find their true selves, and at the same time help the parents to find themselves as well, because I know from experience that many times, parents, especially moms, tend to loose part of themselves after they get married, and even more when they have kids. Because women are usually raised to be selfless and nurturing, and they tend to take care of others all the time, and put themselves last. This is not the case with everyone, but I have met many people who have this problem. I am now so much closer to being my true self than I have ever been before, but I still have a bit more to go. I hope that by me telling my story I will be able to help others along the way.

I won't start at the beginning, or say the reasons why things happen the way they do, but I just want to share an experience with all of you.

When I was a little girl I occupied my time doing one of several things, reading, writing my dreams and making stories out of them, drawing, day dreaming, and watching TV and movies and obsessing about famous people. As I grew I came to think that the things I used to do when I was a child were nonsense. So I stopped doing them. I stopped doing every single thing I loved doing as a child and I was left with nothing. After I got married and had children I concentrated on trying to fit this idea of what I thought the perfect wife and mother should be, and idea that I got from somewhere else, not from my heart. I kept trying and trying to be something that I felt I couldn't be. For years I did this, and I lost myself, I lost all interest in things, I became a boring person, just following along, doing what I felt I had to do, not liking anything. I even decided to stop looking at things that I liked, I avoided things that made me happy because I thought that by looking or thinking about things that I liked I would just suffer to know that I couldn't have it. So I tried to avoid pain, by thinking that I did not deserve anything, by not expecting to get anything. Aiming low so that I couldn't get disappointed. But no matter how hard I tried it seemed like everything was bad and nothing could go my way. I went deep into depression for a while but I bounced back after falling in the deepest of wells. And I survived. Then a friend of mine gave me this book about the Law of Attraction and how it is possible to attract good things to you by having happy thoughts and having happy emotions tied to those thoughts. I realized that I had made a big mistake in life by thinking that I should avoid pain by not looking at the things that I loved. I stopped having desires, I never got clarity, focus. I never placed a goal in my life except the one to live a long life. Now I know that I must re-gain clarity, that I must remember the things that made me happy when I was a child and bring back that passion for life once more. Embrace the true gifts that I was born with, and share them with the world.

Have you ever felt like you have lost your way? What have you done to gain it all back?

What you wish you knew at 13?

 I am reviving this post I wrote a while back, because I believe that it has important information that I would like to share especially since now I am getting more views.


The other day as I put my nine year old daughter to sleep and I listened to her talk about tween dilemas I realized as I saw tears trickle down her face that children are just learning about the world. They are at the very beginning of life, when the worst worries are about fitting in, and homework. A time when you cry over a mean comment or get frustrated when homework is too boring. They do not worry about bills to pay or their safety, or about eating healthy or being able to keep a job. They don't have to worry about retirement or elderly parents or any of the worries that we grownups have. And it hit me. What if we could prepare our children to be well adjusted adults by letting them in on well kept secrets only grown-ups know.
That's why I created this website.
Children need to be able to grow with healthy self esteems, know to make decisions that will help them to make better choices.
As I look back upon my life I wonder about the things I wish my mom would have told me about life that I never got to find out until I was all grown. I also see myself constantly searching for my true identity at 35 when I should have found out at least 20 years ago. This constant search for answers, a steady flow of doubt and insecurities that has troubled me for years. What if I had known then what I know now? Would my life be different? What if I had started writing 20 years ago, would my career be better? And although its true that there are many things we will only learn the hard way, there are others that should be learned early on so as to make the most out of your experiences.
Of the things I wish I had known at 13 I have included a few.
* Pay attention to the things you love. There's always a way to make a living doing what you love.
* Date people and learn what qualities you like in a partner and which ones you don't.
* You dont need a college degree to be an artist. Take courses on each technique youd like to learn and practice practice practice.
* It is ok to make mistakes, and to do things you want even though they may not be approved by others.
* If something peaks your interest, research it & explore it.
* Once you have children your life will never be the same.
* Take time to learn about your family history & culture. Know your grandparents.
* Stay true to yourself, & if you dont know what that is. Make it your purpose to find out.
* Give your time to a cause you believe in. Every effort makes a huge difference.
* Find happiness in everyday things.
* Be grateful.
* Dont be afraid to be silly.
* Be a mentor and/or follow one.
* Cultivate your spirit.
* Be kind.
* Be strong.
* Have faith always.
* Don't be afraid to try and change the world.

Dove has been working on helping girls increase their self esteem and they have in their website a part where you can say to others What do you wish you knew when you where 13.

I believe the problem is not finding things to teach our children, but finding a way to teach them so that they will be receptive to the lesson. Because there are things that cannot be told. They have to be experienced in order for them to be learned.

What things you know now that you wish you had learned as a child? And what ideas you have on techniques to teach these ideas? I want to hear from you.

Friends Forever

Today I was reading The Rules of Life by Richard Templar and it read, "Someone once said that a real friend is someone you can  be having a conversation with as she gets on a plane, you don't see her for ten years, and when she arrives back you carry on the conversation as she gets off the plane like a moment hasn't passed." That premise made me think of my friends and how our friendship is exactly that.
For years I complained how I didn't have any friends and how all my friend's had abandoned me in one way or another, until two years ago that I finally was able to reconnect with a few old friends that I had not seen in more than ten years, and our friendship continued just like the statement suggested, as if not a moment had passed.
I have also made a few new friends since I've moved to NYC and I must say that we do not need to see each other every day to care and know that we are cherished and valued as friends. I am proud to call them my friends.
Today I am doubly blessed because not only do I get the chance to hang out with one of my new BFF's at my Wednesday Writing Group, but I get to go and pick up at the airport one of my BFF's since I was 12 y/o and get to have her a whole week to myself.
I am thankful for having my childhood best friends still be part of my life, for having some wonderful new friendships that I have made here in NYC and for all the loved ones that I only know through the internet, but that they are equally loved and cherished. To all of you I send a big hug and know that I'm blessed to have you be part of my life. I LOVE YOU!

Take the time to think about the people that you are grateful to call your friends. Do something nice for them today!

Allowing Yourself To Dream

Growing up, me and my mom would move a lot. Practically every 2 years. I remember the horrible feeling I got when I would look at a new apartment that I loved and not be able to move in it. The disappointment of getting used to a place and not being able to stay there for long.

After a while I started detaching myself from the process. An apartment became just one apartment more, and I told my mom that I did not need to see a place before we moved in, she could choose it herself and I would be OK with that. I did not want to see another wonderful apartment that we couldn't take, it became too painful.  With that detachment came a long list of other detachments. My mom worked really hard to raise me by herself, and she had to make a lot of sacrifices in order to give me the best things she could afford. She tried her best, and early on I learned  not to ask for much because I didn't want to make my mom feel bad that she couldn't give me everything I wanted. So I learned not to want anything.  I stopped looking at beautiful things, I began to hate flowers, because they died. I never had plants, or dresses, or high heels, or Barbies, or even skirts. My mom would try to force me into these things and I would stubbornly say I hated them. I didn't want make-up or perfumes, I didn't like to go shopping for clothes as nothing ever looked good on me, never got my nails done, or my hair done. I would quit every class I would take, dance class, piano class, art class, writing class. Even though I LOVED those things, there was a little voice inside of me that would tell me I wasn't good enough, and that I shouldn't make my mom waste her money on things that would be wasted on me.

As time passed by I allowed my dreams to fade. There was no point in dreaming about things I could not have or things I thought I didn't deserve. But it wasn't until recently that I read the book The Secret: The Power that I realized that we attract things to us by having good and positive thoughts and feelings towards the things we desire.  That's when I realized that I had been stuck in a rut because I had closed my eyes to everything that is good. I had stopped myself from dreaming, from desiring, from wanting anything at all. So I decided to make a change and allow myself to dream and my life has changed dramatically for the better.

I started looking at magazines with expensive clothes in it. I look at expensive make-up at the store. I go to the hair salon and get my eyebrows done. I allowed my husband to buy me not one, but two winter coats that cost more than $30 ea. I allowed myself to ask for an expensive camera for Christmas. I carry more than $20 in my wallet. It might seem trivial to some, but to me this has been a great breakthrough. I am allowing myself to see ME as a valuable person. I see myself now as someone who deserves nice things. I see myself as someone who can do good things. That's why I have finally started this blog, after more than 6 years with the desire to do something like this. This is just the beginning. I'm finally allowing myself to dream.

So I encourage you to do the same. Dreams do come true. Allow yourself to dream too.