Happy Easter Everyone!

I have been absent from this Blog for a whole month and I can't believe it's been so long. I have been putting off writing for this long, I guess I believed this Blog Dare would keep me inspired, but the truth is that I don't feel like writing about none of the topics that I have been given. So I didn't.
But I am going to start anew, once again. Writing a Blog becomes part of your life, and if you don't make it match with it then it can become something that you are not open to keep as part of your life. But Cocoons 2 Butterflies is a part of me, so I have to be true to myself and make it what I want it to be, not what other people say I should make it. So, starting off today I am going to share what I did on Easter. I'm sure many of you also had some celebrations so I want you guys to share with me what you did.

Here are some pictures of our day:

This year we had an egg hunt in the house. Last year we where in Puerto Rico and we where able to have the egg hunt outside in the grass, it was amazing, but this year we had to settle for indoors. We also went to Church, and had some lunch outside, and made tie dye eggs and Easter egg cupcakes, and we watched the Movie Hop.
How did you spend your Easter Holiday? Did you have fun? Are there any traditions that you would like to share?
So how did you enjoy your Easter?

The first time I saw...

Gaby Born 12-24-2000

Elsie - Born 03-07-2006

The first time I saw my babies was the most loving moment in my life. Not only the first time I saw them as a tiny little pea in a sonogram, but the first time I laid eyes on their cute little faces and smelled them and hugged them.

Having my babies has been the most amazing experience in my life.



Nothing compares to the love one feels when we lay eyes on the cutest babies in our whole world.  Because to every parent our children are the most precious beings in the world.

Both my babies looked very similar, except their hair. I remember the first time I saw Elsie it felt like a Deja Vu as if I had given birth to Gaby again except with curly hair. It was amazing.




How did you feel the first time you laid eyes on your children?  And if you don't have children yet, what is the most amazing thing you have ever laid eyes on?

Christmas is Near! What does it mean to you?

Oh Christmas! Many people love Christmas! Some others don't. What does it mean to you?
Recently I have incorporated a Question of the Day on my Facebook Page and today's question is:
What does Christmas mean to you?

To me, Christmas is a time to be with family, to give, give, give and to cherish moments with our loved ones. Christmas also means that my big baby Girl Gaby has another birthday coming up.

This year she will be 11 years old! Time flies so fast! I can remember as it was just yesterday when I was riding in a Taxi to the Hospital and later that night having in my arms a perfect baby girl. The hospital gave her this cute adorable brown teddy bear as a gift to all the babies born on Christmas Eve and on Christmas.

Here being held by Grandpa (RIP)

Teddy Bear gift

This year I also wanted to give, give, give, and I donated two Shoe boxes with gifts for the girls at F.L.A.G. and also made a lot of Donations to the Salvation Army and sent money to my Sponsored Girl Maeca from Children's International and made a donation for an association that provides Holiday meals to families in need.

I truly believe that when we give, we get blessings in return. I do not hesitate when it means helping out someone in real need.

Do you have any stories to share about things you do for Christmas? Please Share.

Halloween Party!

Yesterday was our Second Annual Toro-Vivoni Family Halloween Party and today my energies where completely depleted. So I took the day to contemplate on the mess, clear only part of it, and leave the other part for tomorrow.  I also did laundry and asked my daughters to refrain from any loud noises. The sound of silence is so intoxicatingly delicious.

This may all sound like nonsense, but I feel like this month has crept up on me and has left me all loopy. The plans I had for this month are only half way completed and I am a bit disappointed, but I decided to get back on track with the Halloween Party.  Getting the house all decorated, making all the Halloween Food, getting the kids all sugared up.

What I did not expect was to have so many kids in the house and all with such a Sugar Rush that made my night turn into a blur. Screams of delight filled the house, kids running and laughing and playing. And, did I mention SCREAMING?

The menu included Halloween Themed Mac n' Cheese, Mummy Hot Dogs, Chocolate Cupcakes with Purple Marshmallow Filling, and Orange Vanilla Frosting with Halloween Sprinkles, We had chocolate cookies with Halloween shapes, Tomato, cheese and Olive Aliens, Apple-Almond Monster mouths, Rotten Apple Juice with Gummy Worms inside (all taken from Disney's Family Fun Magazine, plus Halloween Oreo's, and Chips, and regular Juice and Water. But after all that I realized that there was not enough food and too much sugary stuff so we ended up ordering Chinese Food from the restaurant of the parent's of two of the kids in the party.

My cousin in law brought over some masks to give to the kids to decorate and she brought some foam paper and some foam stickers and I gave them markers, and glue and they had a blast making their masks.  Then they played Hedbandz Game and ran around some more and finished watching a movie.  Just a few minutes before midnight the house was empty, except us who live in it on a daily basis and all was quiet again. We snuggled into bed and said our good nights.

Here are some pics from the party, I hope you enjoy them.

Bloody Footprints

Mummy Hotdogs

Cupcakes, Cookies and Breadstick Bones

Spider Web

Making Masks

Rotten Apple Juice with Gummy Worms

More Snaks

My oldest with her mask

My little one and her mask

So how was your Halloween? Did you make a party at home as well? How do you like to celebrate?

F.L.A.G. A shoebox for Christmas - Please help out!

After finding www.FlagPhil.com and saw that they were collecting shoe boxes with gifts for the girls at F.L.A.G I felt compelled to help. I currently sponsor a little girl from the Philippines through Children's International, her name is Maeca and she will be turning 9 now in October. She is so cute, and seeing her pictures makes me feel so much love toward her as if she was my own.

 

She has inspired me to help other children like her and I believe F.L.A.G is doing a wonderful job at helping little girls in the Philippines to get an education and be able to experience things like birthday parties and toys for Christmas. Thing that they never had before.

So in honor of Maeca, I went today and bought some Princess Dolls, and some little girl Princess Jewelry Boxes with Princess Themed Play Jewelry and even a little Tiara and will be mailing them out for the F.L.A.G girls Christmas Gift. Me and my two daughters chose the items and got all excited and happy preparing these packages for the girls. I love being able to do nice things for others as well as teaching my daughters the value of helping others.

If you would like to contribute, and help out and send a Shoebox with Christmas Gifts for the girls, please do so soon as they have a deadline of October 10 and they have to arrive in Canada. For more info please email flagphil (@) gmail(dot)com

You can also sponsor a child like Maeca through Children's International.

I really love helping out whenever I can. What charities do you help out with? What other ways do you like to help out? Please share.

Do Teachers influence your future profession?

Today my daughter Gaby who just started middle school told me that they changed one of her favorite teachers. He was her Social Studies Teacher and she told me that this year for the first time she was liking the class.  However this teacher, was actually a Math Teacher who had been assigned as a temporary teacher to give the Social Studies Class until they were able to hire a permanent teacher.

I do understand how a Math teacher should really be teaching math and fortunately he was able to get a job teaching Math at another school. I mean, if he was a good teacher teaching Social Studies, I bet he will be an amazing teacher teaching Math.

What got me sad though was my own memories of Middle School. How my 6th grade teacher was a History/Social Sciences Teacher and how she was so mean. How I hated her, and how much I hated Social Studies since then.  This got me thinking. If I hate Social Studies because I had an awful teacher, would I love the class had I gotten an awesome teacher?

On all my years of Study, including College, I only recall 2 good Social Studies/History Teachers. My eighth grade Social Studies teacher who was fairly nice and my College History Professor who I had for only one semester. I remember going to that History class in College and thinking that I wished I had that teacher since I was young. He was amazing and gave the class as if it was all some gossip, so it was really fun. But had it been too late for me? I have all these years of history lessons with horrible, mean or deathly boring teachers and it left me ignorant on the subject. I did not learn Geography, or History, or Social Studies all through my teenage years so now when I read the news paper or try to help my daughter with homework I feel dumb. I don't know almost anything. So how am I supposed to learn years of History Lessons now? When I really don't care enough to learn it. I just give up on it and maybe grasp a thing or two from my daughter's homework throughout the years.

Then I questioned myself, are teachers really that much of an influence in a child's life? I always thought that the course of study one chooses was mainly based on a basic inclination that we are born with, some kind of innate skill. But this made me doubt my theory. What if a child with a natural ability in a particular subject, say math for example, what if all his life his Math teachers were mean and even abusive to him. What if never in his life he had a nice inspiring teacher on that subject? Would this child avoid math in his career even if mathematical skill was natural in him?

I always found that my favorite teachers growing up where English teachers, I absolutely LOVED all my English teachers and what I Love the most is to write so it makes sense. However when I was in college, I had a horrible English Teacher who discouraged me from writing, not because she said I was a bad writer but because she thought I had a "disturbed mind" when I wrote. This teacher discouraged me to the point that I stopped writing for over 10 years. It was only after I got inspired by other mentors, friends which in a way are teachers as well even if not in a classroom, that I was able to start writing again.

Did I see my English Teachers as Amazing Teachers because they were teaching me my favorite subject? Or did English become my favorite subject because I had amazing Teachers?

What do you think molds us more? What experiences did you have growing up? What do you think influences more our decisions? Our innate passions? Or Inspiring teachers?

The World vs Sponge Bob

I'm sure most of you have heard by now the new study made with 60 children that claims that watching just one episode of Sponge Bob causes problems of attention in a 4 year old child, they compared the results of this with children who watched Calliou. They claim that the fast paced nature of Sponge Bob does something to kids brains that makes them distractable.They also say that it is not only Sponge Bob but all these technological things that children these days are exposed to.

What is your take on it?

For example, I would like to know if there is a study where it shows whether these effects are long lasting or is it momentary just after watching the show.  I must admit that my 10 year old watched Sponge Bob when she was 4. She loved it, but she also loved Calliou. I do believe that my daughter has a tendency to get distracted. But I am not jumping to conclusions that the reason why she is like that is because she watched Sponge Bob.
I too am easily distracted, and I have struggled with organizing my time efficiently. Is it because I watched Sponge Bob with her? I don't think so. I really believe that I am easily distracted since I was small. Did the TV I watch impact my ability to be focused? I don't know. But I can be focused in one thing for long periods of time as long as I am in a room without any distractions, my daughter too.

On the other hand I have Elsie, my 5 year old. Also exposed to Sponge Bob at the age of 4 and I don't think she is easily distracted. She tends to engage in activities for long periods of time, and she actually learned a broader vocabulary from watching Sponge Bob. She is very bright and has an AMAZING memory! For example, in June 10th we went to this Japanese Restaurant called Shiro Japan. Elsie ordered chocolate cake, and on September 9th we went again to the same restaurant, she remembered the chef that cooked for us and she told me without looking at the menu, Mommy, I want to have a Midnight Delight, just like last time. A few minutes later I get the dessert menu and I look at the picture of the chocolate cake and under it read Midnight Delight. I was impressed on how she remembered the name of the cake she tried months ago, and not only that, she remembered what every single person in our table ordered for dessert the previous time.

So is it Sponge Bob? Or is it natural traits of our brain that are predisposed to certain things. Is it this world that has so many different things, so much technology, so much information.

What do you think about this study? I want to read your thoughts.

Back to School in NYC

We are back to school in NYC. Today marks officially the first day of the new school year. I know that in other states the school starts in August but here in the North East we started today.

This year is very special as my little one starts Kindergarten and the Big one started Middle School.  The day before school started I began a new routine.

All electronics off by 7:30pm. No computer, no TV, No Nintendo DS. So computer assignments must be done by that time.

After 7:30pm we have dinner and take baths and get all the things ready for school the next day. Uniforms, backpacks, assignments etc.


8:30pm Elsie has to be in bed, she gets a bed time story and a lullaby, at this time Gaby takes a shower and gets all her rest of homework done.

9:30pm Gaby has to be in Bed, and we talk a little bit and it's good night.

The next morning I wake up around 6:30am and I wake them up around 6:45am and get everything ready, and have some breakfast and out the door by 7:30am

Today the routine worked quite well, and I'm really happy how the day went.

Elsie did very good in her first day of Kindergarten, she didn't cry, she went to the lunchroom with Mrs. Patrick the security guard, she got her breakfast, she sit down, she followed instructions, I got a lot of compliments about her behavior. She has many friends in her class from last year, and a few new faces and the best Kindergarten Teacher of the school.

Gaby, went to a brand new school, she has a few friends from her old school, and even she is in the classroom with 2 of her best friends, Lia and Orlandriana, and she is in class 6-1 with a very strict but nice teacher. Gaby says that she loved Middle School. She made a new friend and she got to be with her best friends in class, and her teachers are nice, there are assigned tables in the lunchroom so there's no issue with "where am I going to sit?" and she loved that the kids walk to the lunchroom by themselves, they change classes by themselves and no need for teachers escorting them like in elementary school. There is a sense of freedom that she did not have before and she likes it.

I must say I am very proud how things turned out today. It started off good, and even though I got a bit emotional seeing them go I know they did great.

I asked Elsie today: Are you nervous about school still?
She said: No. I was nervous this morning but after today, I know how good I did, so I'm not nervous anymore.

I'm so proud of them both! :)

So how did the first day of school turn out for your kids and for you?

To Work or Not to Work, that is the question

Today I saw a video on MSNBC called Does Mom's Choice to Work Impact kids? where they interview Stacy Kaiser author of How to Be a Grown Up and Darcy Meyers a stay at home mom, and they talk about a study looking at kids whose mothers go to work after their first year of birth and they find that it can actually be beneficial for the kids. What it's expressed in the video is not that going back to work is better than staying at home, but that if going back to work for a mom benefits the family by making the family stable economically or if it fulfills the mom, then the family will benefit as a whole. It also says that when children are exposed to a different care giver it also improves their social skills.  It says that many mom's feel really guilty about this decision, whether it be because they want to stay home and have to work or whether they want to work and stayed home. The key is to know that your family will benefit from whatever decision you make as long as it's the one that you feel is best for your family.
I can relate to this because I have struggled with mom guilt, when both my daughter's were born. I made the best choice for my family at each given moment. I stayed as much as I could with them when they were small and went back to work when it was the best decision for my family financially, and now I have made another change to working part time outside the home so I can focus on them and also on my passion of writing.

I know that many of you have struggled with the same questions. Should I or shouldn't I go back to work? Should I stay home with my kids instead?
How did you make the decision and what influenced it? Did you ever feel guilty about your decision? Did you do anything to alleviate the guilt?

What you wish you knew at 13?

 I am reviving this post I wrote a while back, because I believe that it has important information that I would like to share especially since now I am getting more views.


The other day as I put my nine year old daughter to sleep and I listened to her talk about tween dilemas I realized as I saw tears trickle down her face that children are just learning about the world. They are at the very beginning of life, when the worst worries are about fitting in, and homework. A time when you cry over a mean comment or get frustrated when homework is too boring. They do not worry about bills to pay or their safety, or about eating healthy or being able to keep a job. They don't have to worry about retirement or elderly parents or any of the worries that we grownups have. And it hit me. What if we could prepare our children to be well adjusted adults by letting them in on well kept secrets only grown-ups know.
That's why I created this website.
Children need to be able to grow with healthy self esteems, know to make decisions that will help them to make better choices.
As I look back upon my life I wonder about the things I wish my mom would have told me about life that I never got to find out until I was all grown. I also see myself constantly searching for my true identity at 35 when I should have found out at least 20 years ago. This constant search for answers, a steady flow of doubt and insecurities that has troubled me for years. What if I had known then what I know now? Would my life be different? What if I had started writing 20 years ago, would my career be better? And although its true that there are many things we will only learn the hard way, there are others that should be learned early on so as to make the most out of your experiences.
Of the things I wish I had known at 13 I have included a few.
* Pay attention to the things you love. There's always a way to make a living doing what you love.
* Date people and learn what qualities you like in a partner and which ones you don't.
* You dont need a college degree to be an artist. Take courses on each technique youd like to learn and practice practice practice.
* It is ok to make mistakes, and to do things you want even though they may not be approved by others.
* If something peaks your interest, research it & explore it.
* Once you have children your life will never be the same.
* Take time to learn about your family history & culture. Know your grandparents.
* Stay true to yourself, & if you dont know what that is. Make it your purpose to find out.
* Give your time to a cause you believe in. Every effort makes a huge difference.
* Find happiness in everyday things.
* Be grateful.
* Dont be afraid to be silly.
* Be a mentor and/or follow one.
* Cultivate your spirit.
* Be kind.
* Be strong.
* Have faith always.
* Don't be afraid to try and change the world.

Dove has been working on helping girls increase their self esteem and they have in their website a part where you can say to others What do you wish you knew when you where 13.

I believe the problem is not finding things to teach our children, but finding a way to teach them so that they will be receptive to the lesson. Because there are things that cannot be told. They have to be experienced in order for them to be learned.

What things you know now that you wish you had learned as a child? And what ideas you have on techniques to teach these ideas? I want to hear from you.

Parenting - Do you every buy your kids toys because you wish you could play with them too?

When I look back at my childhood, I remember having a large doll house, Holly Hobbie dolls, and Strawberry Shortcake dolls. I had quite a few, but I would get one every so often. Going to Toys R Us to get one more for my collection was one of the most exciting events of my childhood. Toys R Us seemed so huge! I was only 4 years old and this place was like miles and miles of toys. But that doll house got broken that same year and I kept the dolls and smaller houses for years to come. Yet after that small period in my life I have no recollection of playing with dolls. Maybe it is that I just don't remember my life from 5 years old until I was 10. It's like those 5 years disappeared into thin air. It's weird, I have several memories of me being 4 and 5. One memory of being 6, one memory of being 7 (mainly just who my teacher was and some students in my class). One memory of being 8 (I changed schools that year), none of being 9, several of being 10, 11, 12 and so on.So after I was 10, I didn't play much with dolls. I don't remember playing with toys at all. Just reading, and listening to music, watching TV, and playing with my cousin. So when I look back to my childhood the only time I recall playing with dolls was when I was 4. Now with my daughters I see their dolls and I must say that I want to play with them. When they say: Mommy! I want another Strawberry Shortcake, or I want that Monster High Doll, or that Barbie, or that Ken. I fake being upset and say that they have too many dolls already, but I let them beg, and I always end up buying the doll after all. And it's not because I can't stand my ground, but because deep down inside I want those dolls too. I don't like playing pretend as much anymore, but just the act of having the doll in my hand, maybe fixing her clothes and brushing their hair, and looking at the tiny little food items, and plates, and stuff just makes me feel like a child again and for one brief moment I don't see the mountain of dolls that they have in their room, I just see a 36 year old little girl who is lucky enough to have another doll to play with.

Do you ever buy toys for your children just because you wish you had them when you were a child?
What are your favorite toys?

Parenting - How do you teach your children about charity?

The world today has become very "green", people are encouraged to help save the planet. With that new responsibility comes a new way of encouraging values in our children. We as parents want to be able to teach them how to be charitable, how to help out.  What things can we do to teach children about charity?
Well, we can do so by setting an example and by exposing them to situations that they can help out others.

Recently I spoke with Ellen Bari form Momasphere and she told me about this cool book for small kids called Jumping Jenny about a little girl who loves to jump and finds a way to helping people by sharing her passion with the world.

In which ways do you teach your children about charity?
What have been your experiences with giving?

Parenting - How do you set a good example for your children?

Recently I have been paying attention to the kind of example I give to my children and contemplate the ways I can set a better example for them and how I can influence them to take better care of themselves.
My oldest daughter is now ten and has all the qualities of a teenager. I knew I was dealing with a precocious  child when at the tender age of 5 she came home one day from Kindergarten and announced to me, I want to be popular! I started thinking, Isn't this supposed to be something that I shouldn't have to worry about until high school? Well, 5 years later and she is into things that I normally would have related to teenagers, she seems mature, and moody at times, but she's a wonderful kid and I am very grateful to have her as my child. But sometimes  I look at her and see that she doesn't take care of her appearance too much. She doesn't mind having messy hair and wrinkly clothes and I see myself in her, and I worry that I have set a bad example for her. Growing up I hated brushing my hair or ironing clothes and I hated skirts, shoes, and make-up. Now I see my daughter following my footsteps except she has some advantages and it's because she likes skirts and shoes, and she likes make-up, I just don't let her use it just yet. But her hair is a mess most of the time and I don't know how to deal with that.
Growing up my mom always tried to get me to wear skirts, brush my hair, put on make-up, iron all my clothes, wear nice girly shoes and it seems that I always had to go against everything she said, just because. Now, I understand what my mother wanted to achieve with me, however I know that I was a rebel, and my daughter tends to be like that too. I cannot try to force her into something or she will go against me full force as I used to do with my mom (and still do sometimes). So I feel I must lead by example.
My dilemma now is How do I set a better example to my children when I don't know how to do it?
I mean, I struggle with fashion, how to dress properly, I only wear jeans and shirts and black sketchers, every day of my life. Recently I have tried to buy nicer shirts maybe to try and give a better example, but the choices I made, based on what I liked did not meet the approval of my daughter or my hubby. Is it still an improvement when I wear a nice blouse even if it's my husband's least favorite color? Or if my daughter hates it? I did choose a shirt that I absolutely loved, and I love how it looks on me. I think that I should wear what makes me happy regardless of whether others like it or not. And what about my hair? I can wash my hair, let it air dry and straighten it with a flat iron and it looks nice for a few days, but then before the week ends my hair is not at it's best and I struggle with the decision to wash it or not. Not washing it usually wins, especially since my hair is normally dry, and taking care of it is a few hours worth of my time. But what about my daughter? She washes it and hates brushing it and then it tangles, and her hair is very thick and oily and then she has a sensitive head that it hurts a lot when brushed, so it's a constant struggle, so I tend to give up. I give up because I don't feel like fighting the battle, I'm tired. But is it worth it? Should I try to win the battle, or try to be like the Horse of Troy and sneak in and win the battle? Do any of you struggle with these kinds of issues? How do you deal? I want to know.

Parenting - Do you ever wonder what your kids will be as teenagers?

The other day I was about to take the train when I saw a group of girl teenagers hanging out in the train station waiting for the train the same as me. They were all from different nationalities, and one of them was fair skinned and with glasses and slightly overweight, and she seemed to be the one carrying on the conversation at the moment, her friends who ranged from Eastern European to African American and Hispanic were actively listening to the first girl rant about how she couldn't believe the hideous dress that whatever girl was wearing that day. "O my Gawd! She looked so hideous, her skirt was all long it looked like she was a grandmother wearing that!" The others agreed with her and proceeded to comment about all the other girls that were ridiculous or hideous or simply didn't fit the standards that these girls had placed on them. At that moment I thought to myself:
"I really hope my daughters don't grow up to be like that!" And honestly I really doubt it. But as I see them grow and see their friends I know that it is my responsibility to teach them to be respectful to others and teach them good values and to accept people and not gossip. I like to lead by example here and I do think that they will grow up to be respectful people and that they won't end up hanging out with their friends talking about how horrible the other girls dress was. I expect them to not contribute to the gossip if they ever encounter themselves in a situation where her friends are doing it and would prefer if they had the option to walk away from it. Sometimes they will be able to walk away and sometimes not, but in the end I know that they would choose to be respectful.
Do you ever imagine your young kids as teenagers? Is there anything that worries you?
Or if your children are teenagers or older? Are there any thing that worries you about them?

If you could invent something to help you as a mom what would it be and why?

As I was getting ready to write today's Blog post I came across another one of Social Mom's writing prompts and this one was just begging to be written. I have been thinking about this for so long that it's crazy.
I started having this idea when my little one was born, and my oldest one was 5 years old. I used to carry baby Elsie in her carriage, leaving 5 y/o Gaby wishing she would be carried too. I wanted to find a way to carry them both and that's when I found those Kiddy Boards or Buggy Boards that can be attached to the back of a stroller so that the older sibling can ride along. I found that idea to be amazing! But now I find myself with another dilemma and to date I have not found a device that has been made for this purpose as I would need it.
My dilemma is that now Elsie is 5 years old and many times I have to go run some errands and she says she is too tired to walk. We live in NYC and I run most errands using public transportation that means buses and subways, but there are also times when I have to walk 7 blocks to the bank and back. At these times I find myself either using a shopping cart to troll along my 5 year old or walk with her by my side crying an whining and begging to be picked up because she is too tired to walk. So this is when I would beg for a device that would serve as an umbrella stroller for 3'8" tall,  50lbs, 5 year olds. Something with wheels and that could serve as a seat and didn't weight too much or took too much space so that it could be easily taken in and out of buses and/or trains, something with a large handle so I don't have to bend over to push so I don't get back pain. I can't even come up with a drawing design of such a thing. Sometimes I think of those foldaway chairs that they make that I see sometimes people carry them along when going to watch a parade. I would just put wheels and a handle on those. LOL

How do you imagine a device like this to look like? How would you make it work? Do you know anything that could serve this purpose?

The BOBO Dilema

I know this post will be controversial amongst parents and some who are not yet parents but have an opinion on the subject and it's OK. I'm going to bring it out in the open and confess that my soon to be 5 year old daughter still uses a "Bobo" (pacifier)
I know that parents are not supposed to allow their children to use pacifiers beyond the first year. I have read the books, and the blogs and seen the shows on TV about this topic, so it is not ignorance. I can see how as years go by the ability to take it away decreases as the child becomes set in her ways and attached to it even more.
With my first daughter she gave it up at the age of 4 on her own with the help of the dentist. I remember when she went to her check up and the dentist asked her if she used the pacifier, Gaby said yes and the dentist proceeded to tell her how he could tell because her teeth had started to shift and if she didn't give it up her teeth would need braces when she grew up. As soon as we got home Gaby told me she was not going to use her bobo anymore, and she never looked back.
Elsie on the other hand went to her dentist appointment and the dentist said she had perfect teeth! So there goes that idea! I talked about the Bobo Fairy and how she would take the bobo's to babies who needed them, how she was a big girl, and that she needed to give it up so her teeth don't get crooked. Nothing works. At age 3 she said she would give up her bobo by her 4th birthday. At age 4, by her 5th birthday, and as her 5th birthday approaches she just announced that she will give it up around her 6th birthday!
I truly believe my child should give it up on her own and as a mother of an almost 6 year old wearing a pacifier on our last family trip to Florida last summer said to me "I don't worry about it, I have never seen a teenager with a pacifier, they always give it up eventually" She said all her kids gave it up around 6.
The truth is that I am not worried about her ability to give it up eventually, and she's never allowed to use it outside the home and then it's mostly when she's tired and wants to rest, but I do feel the society and my husband's pressure to make her give it up, and since the tricks I used on Gaby don't work with Elsie( like not allowing her to take it out of the bed, or making her fear crooked teeth) then I came up with the idea of No Bobo Day. I chose Wednesday as No Bobo Day because that's the day we go to my Writer's workshop so we get home pretty late and she won't be hanging out in the house for long periods of time missing it.
So the first Bobo Day started a little rough as she woke up cranky and didn't want to give it up I got her to give it to me in time for breakfast and didn't use it the rest of the day. After we got home from my Writer's workshop we sat and did homework, took a bath and went to bed and she didn't even ask for the Bobo at all. Maybe this will work out after all. :)

Tweens are the new Teens

Prom time is fast approaching and my fifth grader is suddenly worried about who's going to ask her out if anyone, then I thought it was suitable to allow my 10 y/o to see the classic movie "Pretty in Pink" when it debuted in Nickelodeon last week. I asked her a lot of questions while we watched. What would you have done? How would you have felt? Why do you think they argued? etc. I made sure to explain whatever she didn't understand and we were both surprised to see how times have changed.

My daughters asked why were they allowed to drink and smoke in high school? Where are their parents in all of this? How come they let them do this?- referring to the party scene in the bedroom. Those where different times when smoking was less frowned upon. I was proud to see that she is capable of noticing what is inappropriate behavior for a child, even if they are teenagers, and it lets me know that she will make the right decisions when time comes.

As the end aproached and Molly Ringwald headed out to prom alone, I asked her, What would you have done? She said she would have called Duckie and ask him to go with her. When she saw that Dukie was there at the prom she figured they would end up together. When Andrew McCarthy approached her and Duckie told her to go with him, my daughter said that she would have stayed with Duckie and not gone back to the other boy. At that moment I was proud, because she gave friendship more importance that the romance of a boy who didn't know how to treat her properly.

It is nerve wracking when your children start to grow and think about dates, and crushes and sometimes it's hard to just stand back and watch even though you know those puppy dog crushes in the classroom never last, it is the beginning of the teenage years. It is a time of discovery, when you learn about yourself, your likes, your dislikes, you make your own friends, learn to make decisions, and when it comes to life it's all about the experiences that you get to have and what you make of it.  I know my daughters will make the right decisions and I have faith that they will end up marrying wonderful guys that will make them happy and will respect them. As for now, we can only stand back and watch, give good advice, trust them, let them know that we are here to pick them up if they ever get to fall and let them know that life is to enjoy it. Have fun, and do good things.

Super parenting shouldn't be our goal

Raising two daughters that are 5 years apart is no easy task. Two girls with totally different personalities, temperaments, development stages. When I was a child parenting wasn't as hard. Kids were left to their own devices. We played outside, had friends, got our hearts broken and our knees scrapped and we survived. But at this age many of us are going through therapy and this new generation of parents feel pressured more and more to be perfect parents. We feel fully responsible for making sure our kids grow up to be happy and well adjusted adults. Even the best intentioned parent makes poor decisions, putting our children at risk of needing therapy or hating us for the rest of our lives.

Right now, my little one is having trouble adjusting to my mom leaving. My mom took care of her from when she was 2 till she turned 4. She spoiled her. She spent every waking moment with her. Let her get away with almost anything. Now I’m left with the task of teaching her to follow house rules, to not whine, to learn to be selfless, to learn to entertain herself. She spends all day saying: "mommy, be with me!" in a whiny voice and I find myself thinking that my mom permitted this. Grandma, be with me! And she would spend the whole day entertaining her. I have another child, a 10 year old tween that also needs me to be there with her and help her through the changes she's about to go through. How do I divide myself when both my daughters need so much of me, and when my husband has 3 jobs and gets home after the girls are asleep. When I spend my mornings at work and rush home to two needy children, then spend the evenings cleaning up for when my husband gets home, feeling that I didn’t really get much time for myself and wondering if I gave my daughters enough attention. I end up feeling guilty for ignoring them while I made dinner or took a shower. What are we parents supposed to do? Should I start my children in therapy now? Scheduling two more activities in the already overscheduled week? And with winter comes the feeling of wanting to stay home, not wanting to be outside in the cold frosty air, wishing that spring comes soon with warmer weather that encourages people to go out more and play.

The thing is that these books and articles about super parenting encourage this kind of over scheduling of children (and parents), and it makes me doubt myself. Is it really my responsibility to have something for them to do at all times? Should I be spending more time actively being with them? Then there are the other books that say that mom’s need to take care of themselves, because if mom doesn’t take care of herself then she is no good to the family, and the other books that say that in order for a marriage to be successful, the woman has to make the marriage be the #1 priority over the children, because a happy marriage creates happy parents that can take better care of their children. I find myself thinking how do I schedule my life in order to make sure my children are entertained at all times and I have time for myself and my marriage is my first priority? Wouldn’t I be then over scheduling myself? Is it even possible to achieve what we try to achieve these days? I think we should cut each other some slack. Go back to basics. We should stop worrying about being perfect parents and be content with being good enough.