Tween/Teen Dating What's your take on it?

I have been sick, and haven't been sleeping much. I haven't been staying late to write my Blog, but I have so many things that I want to say. Recently I have encountered myself exposed to the probability of Tween/Teen Relationships. It has not been with my children, but with other children I know. And I tend to create bonds with other kids around me, as if they are my own, so I feel like I have a responsibility to them, even if they are not mine.

It got me thinking, about the post I wrote on what I wish I knew when I was 13. And how there are many things that I didn't even put on that list. When I was 13 I fell in love with a boy who was a "bad boy". He was into heavy metal and wore an earring. He was always in trouble and wasn't allowed to go out much so our relationship was one mainly on the phone. We maybe saw each other about 6 times. My mom didn't like him, but in a way that make me like him more. It was silly, but it was my way of exploring my feelings and trying to figure out what was going on with me and growing up. I was very lucky that I was raised in a nice environment with nice people. Had I been raised in a bad neighborhood and allowed to hang out with bad influences then things would have turned out very differently. I had a very clear idea of what I was allowed to do and what I wasn't supposed to do, and there was a real fear of authority, I mean I was afraid of what my mom would do to me if I would ever do something I wasn't supposed to do. So for the most part I didn't do anything that I wasn't supposed to do. But in a way that made me wonder, and left many questions unanswered regarding the things I would dare to do, or maybe about things I wanted to do but was to afraid to do.

When I think about the things I want for my daughters I think that when they are old enough to date I would want them to know that they are bound to have feelings that might make them confused, but that they are all part of growing up and that it is perfectly natural to have feelings and emotions toward boys. I want them to know the things that they can do, and what they should wait to do. Talk to them about the risks, the signs, and make them feel that they have someone that will listen to them and answer all the questions that they may have, and that I would be there for them no matter what.

If I had a boy I would want him to know that it is OK to be attracted to girls and that certain parts of their bodies will get their attention more that others and that it is also OK to think about it. I would want him to know that they should respect girls, and to take care of himself and not do anything that could put him or a girl at risk of anything.

At the end of the day, we all have feelings about sex, and love and that is part of what it makes us human. And I want my children to learn that sex is not a bad evil thing, and that they should be knowledgeable and smart, and learn to make the right decisions at the right time and to always act responsibly and be safe.

This is such a touchy subject and can sometimes be taboo, but I think that telling a kid that they are forbidden to date is just pushing them to do it even more, and without a parent's guidance they are bound to make more mistakes than if they had been allowed to express themselves openly in front of their parents.

What do you think about teen dating? What age would you allow your child to date? Are the rules different from boys than from girls?

Tweens are the new Teens

Prom time is fast approaching and my fifth grader is suddenly worried about who's going to ask her out if anyone, then I thought it was suitable to allow my 10 y/o to see the classic movie "Pretty in Pink" when it debuted in Nickelodeon last week. I asked her a lot of questions while we watched. What would you have done? How would you have felt? Why do you think they argued? etc. I made sure to explain whatever she didn't understand and we were both surprised to see how times have changed.

My daughters asked why were they allowed to drink and smoke in high school? Where are their parents in all of this? How come they let them do this?- referring to the party scene in the bedroom. Those where different times when smoking was less frowned upon. I was proud to see that she is capable of noticing what is inappropriate behavior for a child, even if they are teenagers, and it lets me know that she will make the right decisions when time comes.

As the end aproached and Molly Ringwald headed out to prom alone, I asked her, What would you have done? She said she would have called Duckie and ask him to go with her. When she saw that Dukie was there at the prom she figured they would end up together. When Andrew McCarthy approached her and Duckie told her to go with him, my daughter said that she would have stayed with Duckie and not gone back to the other boy. At that moment I was proud, because she gave friendship more importance that the romance of a boy who didn't know how to treat her properly.

It is nerve wracking when your children start to grow and think about dates, and crushes and sometimes it's hard to just stand back and watch even though you know those puppy dog crushes in the classroom never last, it is the beginning of the teenage years. It is a time of discovery, when you learn about yourself, your likes, your dislikes, you make your own friends, learn to make decisions, and when it comes to life it's all about the experiences that you get to have and what you make of it.  I know my daughters will make the right decisions and I have faith that they will end up marrying wonderful guys that will make them happy and will respect them. As for now, we can only stand back and watch, give good advice, trust them, let them know that we are here to pick them up if they ever get to fall and let them know that life is to enjoy it. Have fun, and do good things.