Holidays and Happiness

The Holidays have passed and all you can see on Facebook are all the pictures of all your friends in their holiday parties. Parties of them dressed up, spending time with their families and friends, all happy, many blessings, all cheerful.

And even though my Holiday Parties were good, with my best friend and my cousin, I can't help but feel a tiny bit jealous of those people on Facebook. I see them in large crowds, all the family together, joking, drinking, smiling, having fun. And I wish I was there. At the same time I wonder what makes those people happy? Is it genuine happiness? Are they pretending and wishing the day was over?

I love Karaoke, and karaoke parties. I don't go to them often enough. But I see friends of mine enjoying that in their pictures.

What is happiness? This year I guess I have been on a roll, and I am writing more often now, and I want to explore through my writing my emotions. Because sometimes I look at my life as if I was outside of it looking in and wondering. What do I want?

I have friends, my daughters, my Church family, extended family even though they are far. But there's a part of me that still feels alone.  Today was a nice day, I stayed home with my girls, we cuddled, watched TV and ate some fun foods. We stayed in and stayed warm. But now, it's 10pm and the house is a mess and I didn't do laundry and the dishes are piled high. Not fun at all.

The week starts tomorrow, and there's school, and work and piano class and freezing rain. Tomorrow we are back to the routine of waking up at 6:30am and it makes me want to cry.

Am I silly? I write this to see if there's anyone else out there that can relate?
Do you ever see happy people and wonder how did they get there? Do you ever wonder if you are doing good by staying home and doing nothing all day just cuddling with your daughters watching TV. Will I leave the house a complete mess until Saturday? Who knows?!

I guess that in part, cuddling with my daughters in the couch with the cats all day watching TV seems like happiness, especially after hearing from them that they will want to live with me forever, and won't move out of the house until they are married and even then they will only move next door to me. That made me feel nice, because I tend to think that they will be moving away soon and I will be left alone without knowing what to do with myself. I'm glad to know that my daughters don't want to ever live alone, and they are just like me. So I'm set. I guess I'll never be alone, even when I'm really old at least I'll have the comfort of my daughters and hopefully they will have large families of their own.

I always wanted a large family, and I tend to fall in love with large families. I wonder if I'll ever have more kids, or if I'll just adopt or foster some kids at some point. I don't know. I feel nostalgia, and at the same time I know I'm good. I know that God is with me and that he has given me moments of happiness and he will continue to show me what that feels like.

It seems amazing but God has been with me more than usual in the past few weeks. He allowed me to experience the most amazing week of my life, and experience things I had never experienced before, so amazing that I look back at it as if it was a dream and wonder if it really did happen. And after that he blessed me and my daughters by giving us the ONLY flight that was not cancelled on Jan 2nd traveling from Orlando FL to NYC on a Snow Storm. And then after we got home there was street parking right in front of my house. If that's not God, then I don't know what is!

God is amazing and he is protecting me, and taking care of me, and inspiring me. I don't know what will happen at the end, but I'm sure that God's got my back and whatever he chooses for me it will be something amazing.

What do you think? Do you ever feel like this?

Fleeting Moments

What would you do if you had just one moment to live? Would you try to make the most of it or would you succumb to the despair of the truth?

There are things in life that are just Fleeting Moments, just like the image above, where you can see just a left over of the bus and cars that passed by, and even though that moment has come and gone, the camera was able to capture but just a tiny bit of what it was and with it capture the beauty of the moment.

What if you never knew happiness and you were left with the option to have a fleeting moment of happiness with no promise to ever feel it again. What would you do with the rest of your life, knowing that that amazing moment may never come back. How would you ensure to extend the joy you felt? How do you make the most of it? Would you cry on your knees as you thank God for that moment? Would you cry with a grateful heart, yet cry and cry and cry? What if it was something even harder to deal with? What if you always wanted a child and they tell you you will have one, but he will die within a year. What would you do? Would you even choose to have it? What if he never dies? What if he does? What if the chances of him living are 10%? 5%? 1%?  But 1% is still a chance!!!!

How do you see the future?

All my life I have struggled with not knowing what the future holds, and at the same time not wanting to know the future if it's not going to be what I want. Yet since I came into Christ I have had something a bit different happen.  I have this Blind Faith in God. He knows what's best for me. So, that means that if something good happens to me now is because I deserve it. God loves us, and he would never want anything bad to happen to us. So when my thoughts start going south and down a spiral of negativeness then I have to stop myself and say: God wants what's best for me. I will be happy with what God gives me.

So why am I sad? I am sad because I am here January 1st completely alone in my house, and I sulk!!

What if I look back at my life and notice that every single thing that has happened in my life has been a result of other things that have happened. I can trace back things that have happened to me that without them today would not be true. God is supposed to be in charge, if we let him. And I let him.


There are many things that go through my head that I don't feel in the liberty to share here, like my questions on why God gives us what he gives us. My conflict stems from seeing some things and hearing other things that are in direct opposition of what you are hearing, but this time it's the opposite of what people are used to seeing.  There's the saying that says: Actions speak louder than words! and it's usually used when a person says things (I love you, trust in me, etc etc) yet acts in direct opposition to those words. But what if it was the opposite? What if a person says they can never love you, yet they treat you as if they did? Does that make sense??? Who do you listen to? The words or the actions? We tend to listen to the negative in either situation, but it makes no sense...But it doesn't matter. We can't tell what is real and what is not real.

But whatever the reason, I don't have to be sad. Tomorrow my girls come back and I won't be alone anymore. We will be able to cuddle together in the couch and do things together!


Wish me safe travels getting my girls back.

Do you ever struggle with crazy negative feelings when you are alone? Do you ever wonder what your life brings? How do you deal with it?