Fleeting Moments

What would you do if you had just one moment to live? Would you try to make the most of it or would you succumb to the despair of the truth?

There are things in life that are just Fleeting Moments, just like the image above, where you can see just a left over of the bus and cars that passed by, and even though that moment has come and gone, the camera was able to capture but just a tiny bit of what it was and with it capture the beauty of the moment.

What if you never knew happiness and you were left with the option to have a fleeting moment of happiness with no promise to ever feel it again. What would you do with the rest of your life, knowing that that amazing moment may never come back. How would you ensure to extend the joy you felt? How do you make the most of it? Would you cry on your knees as you thank God for that moment? Would you cry with a grateful heart, yet cry and cry and cry? What if it was something even harder to deal with? What if you always wanted a child and they tell you you will have one, but he will die within a year. What would you do? Would you even choose to have it? What if he never dies? What if he does? What if the chances of him living are 10%? 5%? 1%?  But 1% is still a chance!!!!

How do you see the future?

All my life I have struggled with not knowing what the future holds, and at the same time not wanting to know the future if it's not going to be what I want. Yet since I came into Christ I have had something a bit different happen.  I have this Blind Faith in God. He knows what's best for me. So, that means that if something good happens to me now is because I deserve it. God loves us, and he would never want anything bad to happen to us. So when my thoughts start going south and down a spiral of negativeness then I have to stop myself and say: God wants what's best for me. I will be happy with what God gives me.

So why am I sad? I am sad because I am here January 1st completely alone in my house, and I sulk!!

What if I look back at my life and notice that every single thing that has happened in my life has been a result of other things that have happened. I can trace back things that have happened to me that without them today would not be true. God is supposed to be in charge, if we let him. And I let him.


There are many things that go through my head that I don't feel in the liberty to share here, like my questions on why God gives us what he gives us. My conflict stems from seeing some things and hearing other things that are in direct opposition of what you are hearing, but this time it's the opposite of what people are used to seeing.  There's the saying that says: Actions speak louder than words! and it's usually used when a person says things (I love you, trust in me, etc etc) yet acts in direct opposition to those words. But what if it was the opposite? What if a person says they can never love you, yet they treat you as if they did? Does that make sense??? Who do you listen to? The words or the actions? We tend to listen to the negative in either situation, but it makes no sense...But it doesn't matter. We can't tell what is real and what is not real.

But whatever the reason, I don't have to be sad. Tomorrow my girls come back and I won't be alone anymore. We will be able to cuddle together in the couch and do things together!


Wish me safe travels getting my girls back.

Do you ever struggle with crazy negative feelings when you are alone? Do you ever wonder what your life brings? How do you deal with it?

Peaceful Family - What is your fighting style?

This morning I was scheduled for a Pre-K Parent Meeting to discuss the graduation ceremony for my daughter's class. When I arrive at the school the staff doesn't seem to be aware of the meeting, except the actual teachers. We are told to wait in room 114 to wait for the teachers to come in to talk to us. In room 114 there was a workshop being held there about Peaceful Families. How to deal with anger in the home. The teachers came gave us a 5 min briefing of the graduation ceremony and then left. And we were tricked into staying at the workshop.
I could have left, but for some reason I decided to stay and I found it very interesting. I first thought this workshop was about anger between spouses, and I thought that I didn't need it as my husband and me are getting along pretty good these days. But when I realized that the workshop was to help parents deal with the children's anger, visions of Elsie throwing tantrums and Gaby doing yelling matches with her sister made me want to stay.
The first part of the workshop divided the parents into groups according to their birth order. Only child, Oldest, middle child, youngest and blended mix. I went over to the Only child section, even thought I have two siblings on my father's side, I did not grow up with them, so I am still considered an only child in this case.
So, the teacher explained that our birth order determined some characteristics of our personalities based on our experiences as a child. And also now our children have maybe a different birth order or sibling situation than we had so they also experience things sometimes in a very different way than we grew up with. I could relate, I as an only child have a hard time understanding sibling rivalry or why do sisters tend to fight so much for the simplest of things. And I can also identify how my oldest daughter tends to feel as if she is responsible for her sister and she tends to scold her even if I don't ask this of her. She feels as if it is her responsibility to teach her sister what I taught her, and it is very hard for me to explain to her that she doesn't have to do that. She can very well allow me to deal with all the discipline, and when she doesn't then I feel like I am battling constantly with her about it. Another aspect of this birth order characteristics that I noticed was that my youngest tends to be a little spoiled, she is used to getting her way and feels like she doesn't have to work hard to obtain something.

The second part of the workshop asked us parents to choose an animal that resembled out fighting technique. Many parents chose the tiger, jaguar, lion. But I chose the turtle, a snapping turtle. I tend to avoid confrontation, tend to hide in a shell, but when angry can snap back at people.

After this exercise the teacher handed down a paper that gave a list of different Conflict Management Styles and how each of them had a time and a place. That it was more effective to deal with conflicts in different ways depending with the situation than if you tend to use the same cookie cutter response for everything.

The Conflict Management Styles are the following:

-Directing/Controlling - "My way or the Highway"
  This kind of Style is best used in a situation where Immediate action is required or when there is a safety concern.

-Collaborating - "Let's work it out"
This style is best suited for occasions when there is time to create a mutually satisfying solution, when the needs of both parties are compatible, and when there are many points of view.

-Compromising - "Something is better than nothing"
Good for fast decisions in minor issues, when there doesn't seem to be another solution.

-Accomodating - "Give in" or "Let go"
When the relationship is more important than the issue at hand. When we want to show our willingness to be flexible, when we expect to have a turn next time.

-Avoiding/Denying - "Walk away" or "What Problem? There's no Problem."
When confronting is unsafe or damaging. When the battle is not worth picking, when you want ot cool down and make a plan

-Appeal to a Third Party - "Help me out here"
When parties are not able to reach agreement by themselves, when there is power imbalance and someone can serve as an ally.

After that the teacher explained that with children we have to not only help them deal with conflict but give them alternatives of how to react when they feel upset.
She pointed out that Anger is just the tip of the iceberg, that underneath there is a mix of emotions from fear, inadequacy, shame, hurt. We need to teach our children to develop a feelings vocabulary, to identify anger cues, and find anger reducers, identify anger triggers and identify the ways that one makes others angry.

Even though the time ended and we were not able to go into more detail on this last part, I think that this workshop was very helpful as it made me realize that I have to find a way to teach my children how to deal with their own anger and help them find appropriate ways to express them. Because it is OK to be angry, but it is not OK to be rude.

The Thing about Resentment

Resentment is a very dangerous thing, it's like a poison that invades your blood and it spreads throughout your body. It can't be ignored, as it stays dormant in your body waiting for the right moment to come back and make you sick.
So what causes resentment? To me, resentment is caused by allowing someone to do something bad to you and not saying anything about it. It's created by swallowing anger, and accepting mistreatment. Sometimes the person that has harmed you did not know or realize that they had harmed you, they may have really never meant to do you harm. Maybe they did. But if you don't say anything, if you don't tell them how you feel, your resentment will continue to grow.
This applies to most people, yet the way to get rid of resentment with your spouse is completely different and that's a whole 'nother story. But if the person you are carrying resentment towards is a friend or co-worker or boss, then I suggest you make your case be heard if you would like to be able to get rid of the churning in your stomach and the negative thoughts that come with it.

At this moment in time I am carrying resentment with my boss. I am hesitant to tell the whole story as you know how Heather Armstrong got fired  for saying bad things about her job.
But the thing that bothers me the most is that my boss complains to my husband behind my back that he doesn't like the fact that I am working only part time now and he doesn't like the girl I got to help me. Well he fails to see that he was the one who made the choice or allowed his father to make the choice of hiring an incompetent to be in the office that is right next to my house and behind my daughter's school even though I specifically asked him to let me work in that office since it would allow me to work full time and still be able to pick up my daughters from school. But NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I have to work in the office that's an hour away simply because it's close to my boss' house and it's more convenient for him. And he's rarely there anyway. He moves around 3 general areas, there is no reason for him to keep me in the other office. Some days I just feel like telling him to F' off and quit. But I want to go about this in a different way. I want to take a course in marketing that's $5000 and after I pay it off then I can move on.

Resentment is not only created by what other people do to you. It is created by our own actions, by allowing ourselves to be treated in a way that is not acceptable to us. It is something of an alarm that tells us that we need to take action and look at our situation and make a change.
Do you ever feel resentful towards someone? What do you do about it?

The Significance of Anger

I usually try to avoid anger, yet anger is a natural response. It is healthy to admit that we are angry, because it usually means that there is a conflict between our beliefs or boundaries and what is going on at the moment. It is healthy to own anger, yet I have a hard time doing so. I fear loosing control or creating an argument when all I want is to be left alone.

At this moment I must confess I feel angry, I feel disrespected, and I am trying to dismiss this anger because I believe that if I try to talk it out it will be pointless. My point of view will not be acknowledged but it will be dismissed as neurotic and this will cause me even more anger. So what are we supposed to do, when the person you are upset with will not hear you out and there's no way to escape? I don't know. Maybe I should try. Because the truth is that we are the ones who make ourselves angry, no one can make us angry unless we allow them to. It is all in the way we choose to react to things.

So we do have a choice to be or not to be angry, but we do have to learn to own anger and not let it become powerful over us. We also need to stand up for ourselves and not let others put us down.

How do you deal with anger?