Holidays and Happiness

The Holidays have passed and all you can see on Facebook are all the pictures of all your friends in their holiday parties. Parties of them dressed up, spending time with their families and friends, all happy, many blessings, all cheerful.

And even though my Holiday Parties were good, with my best friend and my cousin, I can't help but feel a tiny bit jealous of those people on Facebook. I see them in large crowds, all the family together, joking, drinking, smiling, having fun. And I wish I was there. At the same time I wonder what makes those people happy? Is it genuine happiness? Are they pretending and wishing the day was over?

I love Karaoke, and karaoke parties. I don't go to them often enough. But I see friends of mine enjoying that in their pictures.

What is happiness? This year I guess I have been on a roll, and I am writing more often now, and I want to explore through my writing my emotions. Because sometimes I look at my life as if I was outside of it looking in and wondering. What do I want?

I have friends, my daughters, my Church family, extended family even though they are far. But there's a part of me that still feels alone.  Today was a nice day, I stayed home with my girls, we cuddled, watched TV and ate some fun foods. We stayed in and stayed warm. But now, it's 10pm and the house is a mess and I didn't do laundry and the dishes are piled high. Not fun at all.

The week starts tomorrow, and there's school, and work and piano class and freezing rain. Tomorrow we are back to the routine of waking up at 6:30am and it makes me want to cry.

Am I silly? I write this to see if there's anyone else out there that can relate?
Do you ever see happy people and wonder how did they get there? Do you ever wonder if you are doing good by staying home and doing nothing all day just cuddling with your daughters watching TV. Will I leave the house a complete mess until Saturday? Who knows?!

I guess that in part, cuddling with my daughters in the couch with the cats all day watching TV seems like happiness, especially after hearing from them that they will want to live with me forever, and won't move out of the house until they are married and even then they will only move next door to me. That made me feel nice, because I tend to think that they will be moving away soon and I will be left alone without knowing what to do with myself. I'm glad to know that my daughters don't want to ever live alone, and they are just like me. So I'm set. I guess I'll never be alone, even when I'm really old at least I'll have the comfort of my daughters and hopefully they will have large families of their own.

I always wanted a large family, and I tend to fall in love with large families. I wonder if I'll ever have more kids, or if I'll just adopt or foster some kids at some point. I don't know. I feel nostalgia, and at the same time I know I'm good. I know that God is with me and that he has given me moments of happiness and he will continue to show me what that feels like.

It seems amazing but God has been with me more than usual in the past few weeks. He allowed me to experience the most amazing week of my life, and experience things I had never experienced before, so amazing that I look back at it as if it was a dream and wonder if it really did happen. And after that he blessed me and my daughters by giving us the ONLY flight that was not cancelled on Jan 2nd traveling from Orlando FL to NYC on a Snow Storm. And then after we got home there was street parking right in front of my house. If that's not God, then I don't know what is!

God is amazing and he is protecting me, and taking care of me, and inspiring me. I don't know what will happen at the end, but I'm sure that God's got my back and whatever he chooses for me it will be something amazing.

What do you think? Do you ever feel like this?