Holidays and Happiness

The Holidays have passed and all you can see on Facebook are all the pictures of all your friends in their holiday parties. Parties of them dressed up, spending time with their families and friends, all happy, many blessings, all cheerful.

And even though my Holiday Parties were good, with my best friend and my cousin, I can't help but feel a tiny bit jealous of those people on Facebook. I see them in large crowds, all the family together, joking, drinking, smiling, having fun. And I wish I was there. At the same time I wonder what makes those people happy? Is it genuine happiness? Are they pretending and wishing the day was over?

I love Karaoke, and karaoke parties. I don't go to them often enough. But I see friends of mine enjoying that in their pictures.

What is happiness? This year I guess I have been on a roll, and I am writing more often now, and I want to explore through my writing my emotions. Because sometimes I look at my life as if I was outside of it looking in and wondering. What do I want?

I have friends, my daughters, my Church family, extended family even though they are far. But there's a part of me that still feels alone.  Today was a nice day, I stayed home with my girls, we cuddled, watched TV and ate some fun foods. We stayed in and stayed warm. But now, it's 10pm and the house is a mess and I didn't do laundry and the dishes are piled high. Not fun at all.

The week starts tomorrow, and there's school, and work and piano class and freezing rain. Tomorrow we are back to the routine of waking up at 6:30am and it makes me want to cry.

Am I silly? I write this to see if there's anyone else out there that can relate?
Do you ever see happy people and wonder how did they get there? Do you ever wonder if you are doing good by staying home and doing nothing all day just cuddling with your daughters watching TV. Will I leave the house a complete mess until Saturday? Who knows?!

I guess that in part, cuddling with my daughters in the couch with the cats all day watching TV seems like happiness, especially after hearing from them that they will want to live with me forever, and won't move out of the house until they are married and even then they will only move next door to me. That made me feel nice, because I tend to think that they will be moving away soon and I will be left alone without knowing what to do with myself. I'm glad to know that my daughters don't want to ever live alone, and they are just like me. So I'm set. I guess I'll never be alone, even when I'm really old at least I'll have the comfort of my daughters and hopefully they will have large families of their own.

I always wanted a large family, and I tend to fall in love with large families. I wonder if I'll ever have more kids, or if I'll just adopt or foster some kids at some point. I don't know. I feel nostalgia, and at the same time I know I'm good. I know that God is with me and that he has given me moments of happiness and he will continue to show me what that feels like.

It seems amazing but God has been with me more than usual in the past few weeks. He allowed me to experience the most amazing week of my life, and experience things I had never experienced before, so amazing that I look back at it as if it was a dream and wonder if it really did happen. And after that he blessed me and my daughters by giving us the ONLY flight that was not cancelled on Jan 2nd traveling from Orlando FL to NYC on a Snow Storm. And then after we got home there was street parking right in front of my house. If that's not God, then I don't know what is!

God is amazing and he is protecting me, and taking care of me, and inspiring me. I don't know what will happen at the end, but I'm sure that God's got my back and whatever he chooses for me it will be something amazing.

What do you think? Do you ever feel like this?

New Year, New Life, New Perspective in Life

So today is the last day of the year 2013, my favorite year. Why is it my favorite year? First of all my favorite number is 13!! Second of all, I believe this year has brought many beautiful things in my life along with some not so beautiful, like my divorce, but with every thing that happens, good or bad there is always something that we learn and that we get out of every experience.

This was the year that my first born turned 13 and I am glad to have been able to give her a birthday party even though she wasn't going to be with me on her actual birthday. Just like my babies will not be with me as the year comes to an end and a new one begins, but come January 2nd my babies will be back with me once more.

I want to take the time to Thank God for everything he has given me this year.

Thank you God for:

My beautiful daughters, they are my life and without them I would be lost. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to have them with me and be healthy and happy and help me raise them good, with good values and love for you God.

Thank you for providing me with a nice home, big enough for us and that we have nice things.

Thank you for my job God, for my co-workers, and my boss. Thank you for letting me know that at my job I have a second family and because it provides me with challenges and enough money to sustain myself and my daughters.

Thanks God for my family, because I have my grandparents still alive and they are still strong at 91. Thank you for my mom, and my aunt and my cousins and my brother and my sister and my dad and everyone else who can be considered my family, may it be by blood or not, because family are those who you keep in your heart.

God Thanks for my Church, because I have found an amazing Church with an Amazing Pastor, because I can truly say that he is honest and a true man of God. Someone I can look up to for advice and for support and for encouragement and because he's a great role model.

God, thanks for my car, even though I have a love/hate relationship with it, it has helped me to get to and from places and it has facilitated many great moments with my family and friends.

Thanks God for my Best Friends, Tania, Nancy and Vini because they have been there for me in good times and bad times. And this past week when I have been alone without my girls on the holidays they have helped me have a GREAT time. I love you guys!!

Thank you God, for all these things, and for the Sky, and the clouds and for Manta Rays and for Music and Photography and Internet and Life!

God, I am really grateful for what you have given me this year, for every smile, and every tear, for every tiny bit of happiness and every great and amazing moment when you have allowed me to feel loved even if just for a moment.

Thank you Lord, for with you all things are possible!!!

May the new year bring many blessings to all and may you be able to Thank God yourself for all the blessings he will give you.

What are you grateful for coming the new Year?

Does Age Really Matter?

 
Today I'm going to go a little off topic here. I just read an article in Cafe mom called: "Open Letter to the 22-Year-Old Who Wants to Date This Old Lady"  She basically turns down this 22 year old guy who wants to date her because of their large age difference, but at the end of the article she asks her readers if she should even consider dating this guy.

In society I have noticed that it is more acceptable for an older man to date a younger woman, however it seems to be frowned upon if an older female wants to date a younger guy. Why is that so?

I found it very interesting when in the Movie Don Jon Joseph Gordon-Levitt ends up with Julianne Moore who in real life is 21 years older than him.  I must admit that I really liked the ending, how he finds himself in love with this older woman, a love very different than what popular culture considers Love. I found this love story to be fascinating.

I must say that I tend to feel attracted by stories like this. I constantly wonder if there is anyone in this world who has a successful relationship where the woman is much older than the man? I really don't know. 

I must say that growing up I always had a stronger attraction to older men. I've been attracted to men up to 22 years older than me.  But after my husband and I split I found myself attracting older men, and after a while I realized that it was not what I wanted. I started getting creepy guys interested in me, white haired men, with no steady jobs.  Some even too tired to go out. And while I dealt with these issues I found myself falling for a guy 7 years younger than me.  I must say I was shocked, I had never liked younger guys before, but after that experience I realized I much rather date younger guys. So I started praying to God to give me a young guy.  I have met a few younger guys but when the age range is more than 15 years then it starts to worry me.

Common worries about dating a younger guy are:

*Will he fall in love with my daughters?
*Will he cheat on me?
*Will he get tired of me?
*Will he find me attractive?
*Will I ruin his life and destroy his dreams by holding him down at his prime?
*Will his family ever accept me?
*Will my family ever accept him?

Does this all make sense?
I don't know. Sometimes I just wonder why all this matters. If two people love each other and are committed to each other, then age shouldn't matter. But to the society we live in, it does.
I just know that, when time comes, I don't want to choose. I want God to choose for me. Whoever is going to be my partner, and hopefully this time for life, will be chosen by God, no one else.  Because he makes no mistakes.


Some people think that it's OK to just enjoy being single, enjoy life, do whatever you want, it does no harm.  What do you think about this? Do you think it's OK to date outside your age range? Do you think it's OK to just have fun while you can? I want to know what you think.

Back from our Holiday Weekend in Rhode Island

Like you must already know, we weren't able to spend the Thanksgiving with my husband, but my friend April invited us to spend it with her family in Rhode Island since her sister was getting married. I agreed and we headed out to Rhode Island from Brooklyn and it took us approximately 4 hours.

April had a full schedule out for us, unfortunately I woke up a bit sick that day and I ended up getting worse as we drove, and by the time we got to Rhode Island I was out of voice (and still am).

We got to a place where we met with April's family, they were all gathered eating Thanksgiving Dinner, we ate and met some of the family as they were quite a bit of people. After dinner we went to April's mom's house and got settled in, and waited anxiously for the next day.

We woke up and had breakfast and headed out for some shopping at a Thrift Store called Savers, the girls got a few things to entertain themselves and then we headed out to have Lunch at a cool small town place and then we went Ice Skating. The very first time we ever Ice Skate, even though we have an Ice Skating Rink right here in NYC. But I guess we had to travel across several states to do this. I never expected to be able to do it, as it seemed to be so hard, but quickly we were able to get the hang of it and have fun in the ice, even 5 y/o Elsie was able to move in the ice with grace.

After going Ice Skating we stopped at the house for a minute and then we got ready to go to La Sallette Shrine it is an AMAZING place, it's all filled with lights and it's breathtaking, there is no way to describe the beauty of it all. But it is a place I highly recomend.

We did so much in this long 4 day weekend that I'm not going to go into details but let's just say that we had fun, and then on Saturday we went to Elizabeth's wedding and then after the wedding we drove back home, and stopped at Friendly's on our way and ate some Ice Cream.

We got home at 2:30am and spent most of the day on Sunday in bed watching TV, but we were all feeling sick so we decided to go to the doctor and in fact we all had throat infections and are taking on one more day of  rest at home.

So this was our Thanksgiving Weekend! What did you guys all do?

What does Thanksgiving mean to you?

Source: womansday.com via Elle on Pinterest

Well, Thanksgiving is fast approaching and I still have Halloween decorations on my walls and I started thinking about what this holiday means to me.

Lately I have been hearing about people who totally bash the holiday due to the Historical associations, but to me, Thanksgiving is not a day where I remember the pilgrims or the Indians or anything like that, to me is a day to sit down with family and friends to eat Turkey. :)

But it is not just about Turkey (now writing about it it's making me hungry) it's about taking the time to think about all the things that we are grateful for. And I must say I am sad that I will not have my family with me this Thanksgiving, but I will spend Wednesday with my sister-in-law and my cousin-in law to have dinner and then on Thursday I will be going to my friend's family's house to have Thanksgiving Dinner and the next day to her sister's wedding.

I am sad that my husband is going to be out of town for Thanksgiving, and I miss him so much. But I am grateful to have him as my husband and the father of my daughters and I know that we will be spending Christmas together and that makes me happy.

What does Thanksgiving mean to you? Do you celebrate it? Is it just about the turkey? Or do you take the time to be grateful for all the blessings that you have?

Family - Where is HOME to you?

For the past two weeks I have been in Puerto Rico. Not only was this a vacation, but also a moment to visit the family I have there. My mom, my grandparents, my aunt, my Godmother, my grand-aunt, my cousins. Going back to the place I grew up in, where I played as a child, where I met my husband, where we got married. Eating my favorite ice cream, Guánabana, from the Chinese Ice Cream Store and being able to share this with my girls.


We went to the beach, ate surullitos and cheese balls, and empanadillas de pizza over and over and over. I didn't seem to get sick of them.

I walked through the town that saw me grow up, and all the memories flooded my heart. I saw my grandparents almost in their 90's and I couldn't help myself from hugging them each day and be so grateful to have them still in my life.

I was able to newly appreciate my cousins, some which I had not seen in many years, and I was touched at how nice they were with me and how I was able to relate to them at a very different level now as an adult and how familiar everything felt.

I loved being able to see my friend Ingrid, and speak on the phone with Ricardo who was my great friend since kindergarten. 

Puerto Rico to me is my family, it is part of who I am, it is in my blood. It's where everything began. It was strange to see face to face the places that appear on my recurring dreams and at times it felt as if I was indeed walking through very vivid dreams.


But in Puerto Rico, Juaco, a friend of the family asked me: "Where is HOME to you? Brooklyn or Puerto Rico?" and I answered: "Where my husband and my children are." Because even though my beginnings are in Puerto Rico, my heart lies with my husband and my girls, and with out them, it wouldn't be home.

Where is HOME to you?

I leave you with a picture of the Calle Luna the main street of the town of San German with a beautiful sky

The BOBO Dilema

I know this post will be controversial amongst parents and some who are not yet parents but have an opinion on the subject and it's OK. I'm going to bring it out in the open and confess that my soon to be 5 year old daughter still uses a "Bobo" (pacifier)
I know that parents are not supposed to allow their children to use pacifiers beyond the first year. I have read the books, and the blogs and seen the shows on TV about this topic, so it is not ignorance. I can see how as years go by the ability to take it away decreases as the child becomes set in her ways and attached to it even more.
With my first daughter she gave it up at the age of 4 on her own with the help of the dentist. I remember when she went to her check up and the dentist asked her if she used the pacifier, Gaby said yes and the dentist proceeded to tell her how he could tell because her teeth had started to shift and if she didn't give it up her teeth would need braces when she grew up. As soon as we got home Gaby told me she was not going to use her bobo anymore, and she never looked back.
Elsie on the other hand went to her dentist appointment and the dentist said she had perfect teeth! So there goes that idea! I talked about the Bobo Fairy and how she would take the bobo's to babies who needed them, how she was a big girl, and that she needed to give it up so her teeth don't get crooked. Nothing works. At age 3 she said she would give up her bobo by her 4th birthday. At age 4, by her 5th birthday, and as her 5th birthday approaches she just announced that she will give it up around her 6th birthday!
I truly believe my child should give it up on her own and as a mother of an almost 6 year old wearing a pacifier on our last family trip to Florida last summer said to me "I don't worry about it, I have never seen a teenager with a pacifier, they always give it up eventually" She said all her kids gave it up around 6.
The truth is that I am not worried about her ability to give it up eventually, and she's never allowed to use it outside the home and then it's mostly when she's tired and wants to rest, but I do feel the society and my husband's pressure to make her give it up, and since the tricks I used on Gaby don't work with Elsie( like not allowing her to take it out of the bed, or making her fear crooked teeth) then I came up with the idea of No Bobo Day. I chose Wednesday as No Bobo Day because that's the day we go to my Writer's workshop so we get home pretty late and she won't be hanging out in the house for long periods of time missing it.
So the first Bobo Day started a little rough as she woke up cranky and didn't want to give it up I got her to give it to me in time for breakfast and didn't use it the rest of the day. After we got home from my Writer's workshop we sat and did homework, took a bath and went to bed and she didn't even ask for the Bobo at all. Maybe this will work out after all. :)

How do you find time for your spouse?

Today I was planing on writing about something else. Wednesdays are Random Topic Day, but as I read through my twitter today I came across a tweet by Megan Calhoun @SocialMoms that asked the question: How do you find time for your spouse? It immediately caught my attention. How do you find time for your spouse? - What do you love most about your spouse? Do you guys go out once a month? What was the last thing your partner did to make you smile? I wasn't aware that Social Moms had writing prompts and I decided to give it a try.
My hubby works a lot, he's not only the owner of his own businesses but he also has a full time job separate from that. Most days he comes home late at night and we don't spend that much time together. It is only after 11:30pm that I get the chance to lay down in bed and watch some movie or a show on TV and we spend that time together. The tough part is that I tend to fall asleep really fast especially on days when I haven't had a nap before he gets home. I find it helpful to take a nap before 10pm so that I can stay awake later.
On the weekends sometimes we get the chance to go out as a family, last weekend we went to the Jekyll and Hyde Club restaurant with the kids and a friend that was visiting NY for the first time. I enjoy a lot those times when we have the opportunity to share as a family. As for couple time, I feel that my favorite part is feeling his arm around me when we sleep, having him close and feeling his warmth makes me instantly smile.
I love when he is silly with the girls and plays with them, and how thoughtful and giving he is. I appreciate when he text me to tell me something that happened in his day, or to share a silly picture he made on his phone, or when he surprises us with something new.
My husband and I are very different, we like different things and our ideas of going out and having fun are very different, but we've learned to work around that and I wouldn't trade him for the world.