The first time I saw...

Gaby Born 12-24-2000

Elsie - Born 03-07-2006

The first time I saw my babies was the most loving moment in my life. Not only the first time I saw them as a tiny little pea in a sonogram, but the first time I laid eyes on their cute little faces and smelled them and hugged them.

Having my babies has been the most amazing experience in my life.



Nothing compares to the love one feels when we lay eyes on the cutest babies in our whole world.  Because to every parent our children are the most precious beings in the world.

Both my babies looked very similar, except their hair. I remember the first time I saw Elsie it felt like a Deja Vu as if I had given birth to Gaby again except with curly hair. It was amazing.




How did you feel the first time you laid eyes on your children?  And if you don't have children yet, what is the most amazing thing you have ever laid eyes on?

What you wish you knew at 13?

 I am reviving this post I wrote a while back, because I believe that it has important information that I would like to share especially since now I am getting more views.


The other day as I put my nine year old daughter to sleep and I listened to her talk about tween dilemas I realized as I saw tears trickle down her face that children are just learning about the world. They are at the very beginning of life, when the worst worries are about fitting in, and homework. A time when you cry over a mean comment or get frustrated when homework is too boring. They do not worry about bills to pay or their safety, or about eating healthy or being able to keep a job. They don't have to worry about retirement or elderly parents or any of the worries that we grownups have. And it hit me. What if we could prepare our children to be well adjusted adults by letting them in on well kept secrets only grown-ups know.
That's why I created this website.
Children need to be able to grow with healthy self esteems, know to make decisions that will help them to make better choices.
As I look back upon my life I wonder about the things I wish my mom would have told me about life that I never got to find out until I was all grown. I also see myself constantly searching for my true identity at 35 when I should have found out at least 20 years ago. This constant search for answers, a steady flow of doubt and insecurities that has troubled me for years. What if I had known then what I know now? Would my life be different? What if I had started writing 20 years ago, would my career be better? And although its true that there are many things we will only learn the hard way, there are others that should be learned early on so as to make the most out of your experiences.
Of the things I wish I had known at 13 I have included a few.
* Pay attention to the things you love. There's always a way to make a living doing what you love.
* Date people and learn what qualities you like in a partner and which ones you don't.
* You dont need a college degree to be an artist. Take courses on each technique youd like to learn and practice practice practice.
* It is ok to make mistakes, and to do things you want even though they may not be approved by others.
* If something peaks your interest, research it & explore it.
* Once you have children your life will never be the same.
* Take time to learn about your family history & culture. Know your grandparents.
* Stay true to yourself, & if you dont know what that is. Make it your purpose to find out.
* Give your time to a cause you believe in. Every effort makes a huge difference.
* Find happiness in everyday things.
* Be grateful.
* Dont be afraid to be silly.
* Be a mentor and/or follow one.
* Cultivate your spirit.
* Be kind.
* Be strong.
* Have faith always.
* Don't be afraid to try and change the world.

Dove has been working on helping girls increase their self esteem and they have in their website a part where you can say to others What do you wish you knew when you where 13.

I believe the problem is not finding things to teach our children, but finding a way to teach them so that they will be receptive to the lesson. Because there are things that cannot be told. They have to be experienced in order for them to be learned.

What things you know now that you wish you had learned as a child? And what ideas you have on techniques to teach these ideas? I want to hear from you.

Parenting - How do you teach your children about charity?

The world today has become very "green", people are encouraged to help save the planet. With that new responsibility comes a new way of encouraging values in our children. We as parents want to be able to teach them how to be charitable, how to help out.  What things can we do to teach children about charity?
Well, we can do so by setting an example and by exposing them to situations that they can help out others.

Recently I spoke with Ellen Bari form Momasphere and she told me about this cool book for small kids called Jumping Jenny about a little girl who loves to jump and finds a way to helping people by sharing her passion with the world.

In which ways do you teach your children about charity?
What have been your experiences with giving?

Parenting - How do you set a good example for your children?

Recently I have been paying attention to the kind of example I give to my children and contemplate the ways I can set a better example for them and how I can influence them to take better care of themselves.
My oldest daughter is now ten and has all the qualities of a teenager. I knew I was dealing with a precocious  child when at the tender age of 5 she came home one day from Kindergarten and announced to me, I want to be popular! I started thinking, Isn't this supposed to be something that I shouldn't have to worry about until high school? Well, 5 years later and she is into things that I normally would have related to teenagers, she seems mature, and moody at times, but she's a wonderful kid and I am very grateful to have her as my child. But sometimes  I look at her and see that she doesn't take care of her appearance too much. She doesn't mind having messy hair and wrinkly clothes and I see myself in her, and I worry that I have set a bad example for her. Growing up I hated brushing my hair or ironing clothes and I hated skirts, shoes, and make-up. Now I see my daughter following my footsteps except she has some advantages and it's because she likes skirts and shoes, and she likes make-up, I just don't let her use it just yet. But her hair is a mess most of the time and I don't know how to deal with that.
Growing up my mom always tried to get me to wear skirts, brush my hair, put on make-up, iron all my clothes, wear nice girly shoes and it seems that I always had to go against everything she said, just because. Now, I understand what my mother wanted to achieve with me, however I know that I was a rebel, and my daughter tends to be like that too. I cannot try to force her into something or she will go against me full force as I used to do with my mom (and still do sometimes). So I feel I must lead by example.
My dilemma now is How do I set a better example to my children when I don't know how to do it?
I mean, I struggle with fashion, how to dress properly, I only wear jeans and shirts and black sketchers, every day of my life. Recently I have tried to buy nicer shirts maybe to try and give a better example, but the choices I made, based on what I liked did not meet the approval of my daughter or my hubby. Is it still an improvement when I wear a nice blouse even if it's my husband's least favorite color? Or if my daughter hates it? I did choose a shirt that I absolutely loved, and I love how it looks on me. I think that I should wear what makes me happy regardless of whether others like it or not. And what about my hair? I can wash my hair, let it air dry and straighten it with a flat iron and it looks nice for a few days, but then before the week ends my hair is not at it's best and I struggle with the decision to wash it or not. Not washing it usually wins, especially since my hair is normally dry, and taking care of it is a few hours worth of my time. But what about my daughter? She washes it and hates brushing it and then it tangles, and her hair is very thick and oily and then she has a sensitive head that it hurts a lot when brushed, so it's a constant struggle, so I tend to give up. I give up because I don't feel like fighting the battle, I'm tired. But is it worth it? Should I try to win the battle, or try to be like the Horse of Troy and sneak in and win the battle? Do any of you struggle with these kinds of issues? How do you deal? I want to know.

Household - Chores and Routines

About a week ago, Amy the Expert Organizer came to my home and helped me declutter a section of my living room. And while I must say that it took 3 hours to clear out about 3 sqft of my apt. Amy did more that just help me figure out what to throw, and what to keep and what to do with what I keep, but she also gave me advice on things to do with my kids.
Amy advised me to give my daughters some kind of job, like sharpening all the pencils every Sunday. Each girl has to sharpen all the pencils in the pencil cup on alternating Sundays. We bought a calendar and wrote down the names when each of them have to sharpen the pencils, bought them an electric sharpener and let them have fun.
Another job that the girls have is setting and clearing the table, they also alternate between them, one sets the table, the other clears it out and they switch out the next day.
Since we have incorporated these new strategies we all sit at the table to have dinner, we spend more time together, the girls are helping me out, and I believe things are going very good and I am very happy with the results.
What little things you do at home to keep the order? What chores do you give your kids if you have any?
I want to hear from you.

Also if you live in NYC and would like to contact Amy, please email me and I will send you her info.

The BOBO Dilema

I know this post will be controversial amongst parents and some who are not yet parents but have an opinion on the subject and it's OK. I'm going to bring it out in the open and confess that my soon to be 5 year old daughter still uses a "Bobo" (pacifier)
I know that parents are not supposed to allow their children to use pacifiers beyond the first year. I have read the books, and the blogs and seen the shows on TV about this topic, so it is not ignorance. I can see how as years go by the ability to take it away decreases as the child becomes set in her ways and attached to it even more.
With my first daughter she gave it up at the age of 4 on her own with the help of the dentist. I remember when she went to her check up and the dentist asked her if she used the pacifier, Gaby said yes and the dentist proceeded to tell her how he could tell because her teeth had started to shift and if she didn't give it up her teeth would need braces when she grew up. As soon as we got home Gaby told me she was not going to use her bobo anymore, and she never looked back.
Elsie on the other hand went to her dentist appointment and the dentist said she had perfect teeth! So there goes that idea! I talked about the Bobo Fairy and how she would take the bobo's to babies who needed them, how she was a big girl, and that she needed to give it up so her teeth don't get crooked. Nothing works. At age 3 she said she would give up her bobo by her 4th birthday. At age 4, by her 5th birthday, and as her 5th birthday approaches she just announced that she will give it up around her 6th birthday!
I truly believe my child should give it up on her own and as a mother of an almost 6 year old wearing a pacifier on our last family trip to Florida last summer said to me "I don't worry about it, I have never seen a teenager with a pacifier, they always give it up eventually" She said all her kids gave it up around 6.
The truth is that I am not worried about her ability to give it up eventually, and she's never allowed to use it outside the home and then it's mostly when she's tired and wants to rest, but I do feel the society and my husband's pressure to make her give it up, and since the tricks I used on Gaby don't work with Elsie( like not allowing her to take it out of the bed, or making her fear crooked teeth) then I came up with the idea of No Bobo Day. I chose Wednesday as No Bobo Day because that's the day we go to my Writer's workshop so we get home pretty late and she won't be hanging out in the house for long periods of time missing it.
So the first Bobo Day started a little rough as she woke up cranky and didn't want to give it up I got her to give it to me in time for breakfast and didn't use it the rest of the day. After we got home from my Writer's workshop we sat and did homework, took a bath and went to bed and she didn't even ask for the Bobo at all. Maybe this will work out after all. :)

Finding Your Own Worth

As I walked to my daughters school another mother approached me and said, "Say hi to your mom for me" I smiled and nodded when suddenly I realized that even though I've seen this woman often, I have never spoken to her or know her name.
My mom lived with us for 2 years, and she made friends with everyone. She loves to talk and make friends and even the mailman sends his regards to her. I am more of a keep-to-myself kind of gal, yet I can appreciate my moms quality and know that thanks to her I have been able to make quite some awesome friends. But there's a part of me that goes back to my teenage years of hearing people refer to me as Grace's grandaughter, Chalin's grandaughter, Linda's daughter, Karla's cousin... and comparing it to Gaby's mom, and Elsie's mom, and Jesus's wife, and Joseph's assistant... it makes sense I would struggle with identity all these years. But I do appreciate the contact's these extensions of myself have brought me.
I can admit that I tend to be quiet and keep to myself, but I also can claim April to be my friend, one that I found all by myself. As is Ingrid, and Yanira, and Bibi. So, I acknowledge that I too have merit, that I too am wonderful and capable of making my own friends. I too have worth, and I wouldn't change a thing.

Dealing with Clutter: Sense of Security

For the most part of my life I have lived with clutter. I remember growing up and having one room of the house to be the "cachibache" room. In there we threw everything we didn't use often. And when I say threw, I mean literally threw. That room was a mess. Random stuff piled over everything. Now that I think about it, it was basically a storage room but with no organization what so ever. We moved fairly often and this messy room of stuff would get packed over and over and over, unused, unchecked. Only on the rare occasion when we would have a flood would we weed through the stuff, and mourn the once forgotten stuff we had not seen since our last move.
And here I am now as an adult finding myself with the same problem, except here in NYC, we don't have the luxury of an extra room unless we rent a storage space. So all my "cachibaches" are spread around all over the house creating a chaotic mess. I always blamed it on being tired to clean, on not having enough space, or a good shredder (you know, identity theft and all). The girls are too little, they need my attention, I can't possibly spend the day cleaning. But these are all excuses, like the one I have used the most often "we are going to move soon anyway so why bother". But soon has been five years and we are still at the same house, and this takes me to another thing, sense of security. What I have come to learn is that throughout my life I've moved so much and my situation has been so random that I lost the sense of security that I should have had since I was a child and with this I developed and attitude of indifference. I never considered anything to have the ability to be mine long term, so I never found the need to care and keep anything in nice condition, because to me there was no point in making an effort for temporary things. But even life is temporary, why not make it the best, right? So now as I find myself weeding through clutter, getting rid of stuff, one room at a time. I propose to make my soroundings nice, and with this my family gets happy in return too.