What you wish you knew at 13?

 I am reviving this post I wrote a while back, because I believe that it has important information that I would like to share especially since now I am getting more views.


The other day as I put my nine year old daughter to sleep and I listened to her talk about tween dilemas I realized as I saw tears trickle down her face that children are just learning about the world. They are at the very beginning of life, when the worst worries are about fitting in, and homework. A time when you cry over a mean comment or get frustrated when homework is too boring. They do not worry about bills to pay or their safety, or about eating healthy or being able to keep a job. They don't have to worry about retirement or elderly parents or any of the worries that we grownups have. And it hit me. What if we could prepare our children to be well adjusted adults by letting them in on well kept secrets only grown-ups know.
That's why I created this website.
Children need to be able to grow with healthy self esteems, know to make decisions that will help them to make better choices.
As I look back upon my life I wonder about the things I wish my mom would have told me about life that I never got to find out until I was all grown. I also see myself constantly searching for my true identity at 35 when I should have found out at least 20 years ago. This constant search for answers, a steady flow of doubt and insecurities that has troubled me for years. What if I had known then what I know now? Would my life be different? What if I had started writing 20 years ago, would my career be better? And although its true that there are many things we will only learn the hard way, there are others that should be learned early on so as to make the most out of your experiences.
Of the things I wish I had known at 13 I have included a few.
* Pay attention to the things you love. There's always a way to make a living doing what you love.
* Date people and learn what qualities you like in a partner and which ones you don't.
* You dont need a college degree to be an artist. Take courses on each technique youd like to learn and practice practice practice.
* It is ok to make mistakes, and to do things you want even though they may not be approved by others.
* If something peaks your interest, research it & explore it.
* Once you have children your life will never be the same.
* Take time to learn about your family history & culture. Know your grandparents.
* Stay true to yourself, & if you dont know what that is. Make it your purpose to find out.
* Give your time to a cause you believe in. Every effort makes a huge difference.
* Find happiness in everyday things.
* Be grateful.
* Dont be afraid to be silly.
* Be a mentor and/or follow one.
* Cultivate your spirit.
* Be kind.
* Be strong.
* Have faith always.
* Don't be afraid to try and change the world.

Dove has been working on helping girls increase their self esteem and they have in their website a part where you can say to others What do you wish you knew when you where 13.

I believe the problem is not finding things to teach our children, but finding a way to teach them so that they will be receptive to the lesson. Because there are things that cannot be told. They have to be experienced in order for them to be learned.

What things you know now that you wish you had learned as a child? And what ideas you have on techniques to teach these ideas? I want to hear from you.

Parenting - Do you ever wonder what your kids will be as teenagers?

The other day I was about to take the train when I saw a group of girl teenagers hanging out in the train station waiting for the train the same as me. They were all from different nationalities, and one of them was fair skinned and with glasses and slightly overweight, and she seemed to be the one carrying on the conversation at the moment, her friends who ranged from Eastern European to African American and Hispanic were actively listening to the first girl rant about how she couldn't believe the hideous dress that whatever girl was wearing that day. "O my Gawd! She looked so hideous, her skirt was all long it looked like she was a grandmother wearing that!" The others agreed with her and proceeded to comment about all the other girls that were ridiculous or hideous or simply didn't fit the standards that these girls had placed on them. At that moment I thought to myself:
"I really hope my daughters don't grow up to be like that!" And honestly I really doubt it. But as I see them grow and see their friends I know that it is my responsibility to teach them to be respectful to others and teach them good values and to accept people and not gossip. I like to lead by example here and I do think that they will grow up to be respectful people and that they won't end up hanging out with their friends talking about how horrible the other girls dress was. I expect them to not contribute to the gossip if they ever encounter themselves in a situation where her friends are doing it and would prefer if they had the option to walk away from it. Sometimes they will be able to walk away and sometimes not, but in the end I know that they would choose to be respectful.
Do you ever imagine your young kids as teenagers? Is there anything that worries you?
Or if your children are teenagers or older? Are there any thing that worries you about them?

The BOBO Dilema

I know this post will be controversial amongst parents and some who are not yet parents but have an opinion on the subject and it's OK. I'm going to bring it out in the open and confess that my soon to be 5 year old daughter still uses a "Bobo" (pacifier)
I know that parents are not supposed to allow their children to use pacifiers beyond the first year. I have read the books, and the blogs and seen the shows on TV about this topic, so it is not ignorance. I can see how as years go by the ability to take it away decreases as the child becomes set in her ways and attached to it even more.
With my first daughter she gave it up at the age of 4 on her own with the help of the dentist. I remember when she went to her check up and the dentist asked her if she used the pacifier, Gaby said yes and the dentist proceeded to tell her how he could tell because her teeth had started to shift and if she didn't give it up her teeth would need braces when she grew up. As soon as we got home Gaby told me she was not going to use her bobo anymore, and she never looked back.
Elsie on the other hand went to her dentist appointment and the dentist said she had perfect teeth! So there goes that idea! I talked about the Bobo Fairy and how she would take the bobo's to babies who needed them, how she was a big girl, and that she needed to give it up so her teeth don't get crooked. Nothing works. At age 3 she said she would give up her bobo by her 4th birthday. At age 4, by her 5th birthday, and as her 5th birthday approaches she just announced that she will give it up around her 6th birthday!
I truly believe my child should give it up on her own and as a mother of an almost 6 year old wearing a pacifier on our last family trip to Florida last summer said to me "I don't worry about it, I have never seen a teenager with a pacifier, they always give it up eventually" She said all her kids gave it up around 6.
The truth is that I am not worried about her ability to give it up eventually, and she's never allowed to use it outside the home and then it's mostly when she's tired and wants to rest, but I do feel the society and my husband's pressure to make her give it up, and since the tricks I used on Gaby don't work with Elsie( like not allowing her to take it out of the bed, or making her fear crooked teeth) then I came up with the idea of No Bobo Day. I chose Wednesday as No Bobo Day because that's the day we go to my Writer's workshop so we get home pretty late and she won't be hanging out in the house for long periods of time missing it.
So the first Bobo Day started a little rough as she woke up cranky and didn't want to give it up I got her to give it to me in time for breakfast and didn't use it the rest of the day. After we got home from my Writer's workshop we sat and did homework, took a bath and went to bed and she didn't even ask for the Bobo at all. Maybe this will work out after all. :)