What you wish you knew at 13?

 I am reviving this post I wrote a while back, because I believe that it has important information that I would like to share especially since now I am getting more views.


The other day as I put my nine year old daughter to sleep and I listened to her talk about tween dilemas I realized as I saw tears trickle down her face that children are just learning about the world. They are at the very beginning of life, when the worst worries are about fitting in, and homework. A time when you cry over a mean comment or get frustrated when homework is too boring. They do not worry about bills to pay or their safety, or about eating healthy or being able to keep a job. They don't have to worry about retirement or elderly parents or any of the worries that we grownups have. And it hit me. What if we could prepare our children to be well adjusted adults by letting them in on well kept secrets only grown-ups know.
That's why I created this website.
Children need to be able to grow with healthy self esteems, know to make decisions that will help them to make better choices.
As I look back upon my life I wonder about the things I wish my mom would have told me about life that I never got to find out until I was all grown. I also see myself constantly searching for my true identity at 35 when I should have found out at least 20 years ago. This constant search for answers, a steady flow of doubt and insecurities that has troubled me for years. What if I had known then what I know now? Would my life be different? What if I had started writing 20 years ago, would my career be better? And although its true that there are many things we will only learn the hard way, there are others that should be learned early on so as to make the most out of your experiences.
Of the things I wish I had known at 13 I have included a few.
* Pay attention to the things you love. There's always a way to make a living doing what you love.
* Date people and learn what qualities you like in a partner and which ones you don't.
* You dont need a college degree to be an artist. Take courses on each technique youd like to learn and practice practice practice.
* It is ok to make mistakes, and to do things you want even though they may not be approved by others.
* If something peaks your interest, research it & explore it.
* Once you have children your life will never be the same.
* Take time to learn about your family history & culture. Know your grandparents.
* Stay true to yourself, & if you dont know what that is. Make it your purpose to find out.
* Give your time to a cause you believe in. Every effort makes a huge difference.
* Find happiness in everyday things.
* Be grateful.
* Dont be afraid to be silly.
* Be a mentor and/or follow one.
* Cultivate your spirit.
* Be kind.
* Be strong.
* Have faith always.
* Don't be afraid to try and change the world.

Dove has been working on helping girls increase their self esteem and they have in their website a part where you can say to others What do you wish you knew when you where 13.

I believe the problem is not finding things to teach our children, but finding a way to teach them so that they will be receptive to the lesson. Because there are things that cannot be told. They have to be experienced in order for them to be learned.

What things you know now that you wish you had learned as a child? And what ideas you have on techniques to teach these ideas? I want to hear from you.

Finding Your Own Worth

As I walked to my daughters school another mother approached me and said, "Say hi to your mom for me" I smiled and nodded when suddenly I realized that even though I've seen this woman often, I have never spoken to her or know her name.
My mom lived with us for 2 years, and she made friends with everyone. She loves to talk and make friends and even the mailman sends his regards to her. I am more of a keep-to-myself kind of gal, yet I can appreciate my moms quality and know that thanks to her I have been able to make quite some awesome friends. But there's a part of me that goes back to my teenage years of hearing people refer to me as Grace's grandaughter, Chalin's grandaughter, Linda's daughter, Karla's cousin... and comparing it to Gaby's mom, and Elsie's mom, and Jesus's wife, and Joseph's assistant... it makes sense I would struggle with identity all these years. But I do appreciate the contact's these extensions of myself have brought me.
I can admit that I tend to be quiet and keep to myself, but I also can claim April to be my friend, one that I found all by myself. As is Ingrid, and Yanira, and Bibi. So, I acknowledge that I too have merit, that I too am wonderful and capable of making my own friends. I too have worth, and I wouldn't change a thing.

Allowing Yourself To Dream

Growing up, me and my mom would move a lot. Practically every 2 years. I remember the horrible feeling I got when I would look at a new apartment that I loved and not be able to move in it. The disappointment of getting used to a place and not being able to stay there for long.

After a while I started detaching myself from the process. An apartment became just one apartment more, and I told my mom that I did not need to see a place before we moved in, she could choose it herself and I would be OK with that. I did not want to see another wonderful apartment that we couldn't take, it became too painful.  With that detachment came a long list of other detachments. My mom worked really hard to raise me by herself, and she had to make a lot of sacrifices in order to give me the best things she could afford. She tried her best, and early on I learned  not to ask for much because I didn't want to make my mom feel bad that she couldn't give me everything I wanted. So I learned not to want anything.  I stopped looking at beautiful things, I began to hate flowers, because they died. I never had plants, or dresses, or high heels, or Barbies, or even skirts. My mom would try to force me into these things and I would stubbornly say I hated them. I didn't want make-up or perfumes, I didn't like to go shopping for clothes as nothing ever looked good on me, never got my nails done, or my hair done. I would quit every class I would take, dance class, piano class, art class, writing class. Even though I LOVED those things, there was a little voice inside of me that would tell me I wasn't good enough, and that I shouldn't make my mom waste her money on things that would be wasted on me.

As time passed by I allowed my dreams to fade. There was no point in dreaming about things I could not have or things I thought I didn't deserve. But it wasn't until recently that I read the book The Secret: The Power that I realized that we attract things to us by having good and positive thoughts and feelings towards the things we desire.  That's when I realized that I had been stuck in a rut because I had closed my eyes to everything that is good. I had stopped myself from dreaming, from desiring, from wanting anything at all. So I decided to make a change and allow myself to dream and my life has changed dramatically for the better.

I started looking at magazines with expensive clothes in it. I look at expensive make-up at the store. I go to the hair salon and get my eyebrows done. I allowed my husband to buy me not one, but two winter coats that cost more than $30 ea. I allowed myself to ask for an expensive camera for Christmas. I carry more than $20 in my wallet. It might seem trivial to some, but to me this has been a great breakthrough. I am allowing myself to see ME as a valuable person. I see myself now as someone who deserves nice things. I see myself as someone who can do good things. That's why I have finally started this blog, after more than 6 years with the desire to do something like this. This is just the beginning. I'm finally allowing myself to dream.

So I encourage you to do the same. Dreams do come true. Allow yourself to dream too.