Allowing Yourself To Dream

Growing up, me and my mom would move a lot. Practically every 2 years. I remember the horrible feeling I got when I would look at a new apartment that I loved and not be able to move in it. The disappointment of getting used to a place and not being able to stay there for long.

After a while I started detaching myself from the process. An apartment became just one apartment more, and I told my mom that I did not need to see a place before we moved in, she could choose it herself and I would be OK with that. I did not want to see another wonderful apartment that we couldn't take, it became too painful.  With that detachment came a long list of other detachments. My mom worked really hard to raise me by herself, and she had to make a lot of sacrifices in order to give me the best things she could afford. She tried her best, and early on I learned  not to ask for much because I didn't want to make my mom feel bad that she couldn't give me everything I wanted. So I learned not to want anything.  I stopped looking at beautiful things, I began to hate flowers, because they died. I never had plants, or dresses, or high heels, or Barbies, or even skirts. My mom would try to force me into these things and I would stubbornly say I hated them. I didn't want make-up or perfumes, I didn't like to go shopping for clothes as nothing ever looked good on me, never got my nails done, or my hair done. I would quit every class I would take, dance class, piano class, art class, writing class. Even though I LOVED those things, there was a little voice inside of me that would tell me I wasn't good enough, and that I shouldn't make my mom waste her money on things that would be wasted on me.

As time passed by I allowed my dreams to fade. There was no point in dreaming about things I could not have or things I thought I didn't deserve. But it wasn't until recently that I read the book The Secret: The Power that I realized that we attract things to us by having good and positive thoughts and feelings towards the things we desire.  That's when I realized that I had been stuck in a rut because I had closed my eyes to everything that is good. I had stopped myself from dreaming, from desiring, from wanting anything at all. So I decided to make a change and allow myself to dream and my life has changed dramatically for the better.

I started looking at magazines with expensive clothes in it. I look at expensive make-up at the store. I go to the hair salon and get my eyebrows done. I allowed my husband to buy me not one, but two winter coats that cost more than $30 ea. I allowed myself to ask for an expensive camera for Christmas. I carry more than $20 in my wallet. It might seem trivial to some, but to me this has been a great breakthrough. I am allowing myself to see ME as a valuable person. I see myself now as someone who deserves nice things. I see myself as someone who can do good things. That's why I have finally started this blog, after more than 6 years with the desire to do something like this. This is just the beginning. I'm finally allowing myself to dream.

So I encourage you to do the same. Dreams do come true. Allow yourself to dream too.