Journey to Self Discovery

Not all of you know me well yet, but I want to share that for a lot of my life I have been trying to search for my True Identity. That's why I have started this Blog to begin with. Because I believe that if we help our children be true to themselves right from the beginning, then they will grow to be self confident, happy individuals. And that is my goal, to help parents all over the world to help their kids find their true selves, and at the same time help the parents to find themselves as well, because I know from experience that many times, parents, especially moms, tend to loose part of themselves after they get married, and even more when they have kids. Because women are usually raised to be selfless and nurturing, and they tend to take care of others all the time, and put themselves last. This is not the case with everyone, but I have met many people who have this problem. I am now so much closer to being my true self than I have ever been before, but I still have a bit more to go. I hope that by me telling my story I will be able to help others along the way.

I won't start at the beginning, or say the reasons why things happen the way they do, but I just want to share an experience with all of you.

When I was a little girl I occupied my time doing one of several things, reading, writing my dreams and making stories out of them, drawing, day dreaming, and watching TV and movies and obsessing about famous people. As I grew I came to think that the things I used to do when I was a child were nonsense. So I stopped doing them. I stopped doing every single thing I loved doing as a child and I was left with nothing. After I got married and had children I concentrated on trying to fit this idea of what I thought the perfect wife and mother should be, and idea that I got from somewhere else, not from my heart. I kept trying and trying to be something that I felt I couldn't be. For years I did this, and I lost myself, I lost all interest in things, I became a boring person, just following along, doing what I felt I had to do, not liking anything. I even decided to stop looking at things that I liked, I avoided things that made me happy because I thought that by looking or thinking about things that I liked I would just suffer to know that I couldn't have it. So I tried to avoid pain, by thinking that I did not deserve anything, by not expecting to get anything. Aiming low so that I couldn't get disappointed. But no matter how hard I tried it seemed like everything was bad and nothing could go my way. I went deep into depression for a while but I bounced back after falling in the deepest of wells. And I survived. Then a friend of mine gave me this book about the Law of Attraction and how it is possible to attract good things to you by having happy thoughts and having happy emotions tied to those thoughts. I realized that I had made a big mistake in life by thinking that I should avoid pain by not looking at the things that I loved. I stopped having desires, I never got clarity, focus. I never placed a goal in my life except the one to live a long life. Now I know that I must re-gain clarity, that I must remember the things that made me happy when I was a child and bring back that passion for life once more. Embrace the true gifts that I was born with, and share them with the world.

Have you ever felt like you have lost your way? What have you done to gain it all back?

What creates a Spark in you?

My awesome Friend Valerie wrote a great post called The Secret Life of a Wannabe Writer and she got me thinking about when I was younger and how much I loved celebrity things, TV shows and Movie Trivia, how I watched my favorite Robert Downey JR and Drew Barrymore movies over 50 times each. I would learn every single scene, what music was playing in the background, what people would say, and my lips would move with every word uttered by the actors on the screen. I would collect movie memorabilia and searched constantly on Video Rental Places for the latest movie posters and/or movie cardboard cutouts to put in my bedroom.
Most of my thoughts were dedicated to movies, TV shows, Books of Fantasy and my Dream Journals where I would write all the dreams I had and would then go back and finish up the stories. I would create alternate situations, different endings, etc. I spent most of my childhood daydreaming and to tell you the truth I don't recall much of my real life events, especially 4th Grade, I have no recollection what so ever of being 9. Don't remember what teacher I had, who were my friends, where I lived, what I did, nothing. As I grew up I got married and left that world behind, and tried to concentrate on the present and live in the here and now. But I must admit that for many years I felt awkward, as if I did not know how to live as I was not used to it. I left my dreams behind and concentrated on being content with everything that was presented to me. I decided not to dream, not to want, not to wish for things that I did not believe I could have. After many years I finally realized by discovering the Law of Attraction that the way to be happy and get the best things in life is to have a very specific desire of what you want, to feel that you deserve it, that you can achieve anything and everything that you want, and here I was being content, thinking I did not deserve anything that I didn't already have, not wanting anything, forcing myself to separate from beautiful things, exotic things, fancy things, beautiful houses, nice cars I would refuse to even look at catalogs or magazines that had images of things that most people would love to have, beautiful houses, elegant clothes, beautiful hair, nice make-up, healthy bodies, etc. because seeing these images would cause a reaction in my body of desire for these things and because I believed that I was not capable of getting them so I decided to put them in the back of my mind and forget they even existed. But now I know the secret, and it is that we have to expose ourselves to all those images and thoughts of those things we want, because we deserve to have everything we want, we can have all these things, the world is abundant and it has more than enough things for every single one of us. But we need to be specific, we need to want, we need to ask, we need to have the deep emotional desire to get whatever we want to get and we will receive. So now I am working on bringing back my desire for all these things that make my life happy.
Have you found your spark yet? What makes you happy? Are you open to receive all these happy things in your life?