The 10 Days to You Challenge - Eight Fears - Day 3

 
I used to be afraid of so many things, but with time I have learned to let my fears go. I do not obsess anymore of the things that could happen when I don't want them to happen, I believe that giving power to fear only makes bad things happens so I try not to fear anymore. But there are things that I don't want to happen in my life, so I make way to not allow them to happen. Again, here they are in no particular order.

* Spiders
I have some sort of arachnophobia, it is not extreme, I can continue to take a shower if I happen to see a daddy long legs inside the shower with me, but if I am sleeping in my bed and I see a spider pass by the wall that is next to my bed, I will jump out of the bed shivering and call to my husband to save me. He will look at me, smile and give me a look, like saying, a grown woman like you still afraid of spiders!. Well, yes I am, and it's not only with spiders, I'm quite afraid of some other bugs too, especially those that have a tendency to bite. :P

* Living alone.
I have never lived alone in my entire life, and even though I don't have a fear of living alone, I sure don't want to ever be in that situation.

*Being my own boss.
I believe that I have a great job, and a great boss. I have worked in my company for over 6 years. I feel valued and needed at work, but there is something I don't like about my job and it's that it is not creative in a way that I like. I see my passion in a creative field where I can use my skills to help people. At my current job, I use my creativity to help my boss, and at some times I can help other people as well, but I want more creativity and more ability to help multiple people. I do not quit my job because if I do, I would not want to work for anyone else again, so I would have to go on business by myself, and that's were the fear comes in. I guess fear of not being able to make money to help sustain my family as much as I want.

*Getting pregnant.
I love my two daughters, and there is a tiny part of me that wishes I had been able to give my husband a boy. But there's this other part of me who knows that I feel like sometimes I don't have enough time for the two girls that I have now, let alone three. And my little one is already five, all out of diapers, I don't really want to have to deal with the sleepless nights, the colic, the crying, the diapers. I rather have big kids than babies. Is that so wrong?

*Moving away from people who may need us.
I hate moving, since I have moved over 15 times in my life, and don't like having to deal with that stress. However, there are times when  I think that we are ready for an adventure, for a new life somewhere else. To own our brand new home. I want my daughters to be able to live in their own house with a patio, a place to run and play, before they grow up too much and can't enjoy it anymore. But making a decision to move to a whole new place far away scares me a bit.

*That my daughters would grow up to hate each other like my mom and my aunt.
I grew up seeing my mom and my aunt fight a lot, and at times I feel as if they almost hated each other. They are 5 years apart and I swore I would never have kids 5 years apart so that the same problem wouldn't happen, yet here I am with 2 daughters 5 years apart who fight a lot. I never had siblings growing up so it scares me a bit to wonder if this is normal sibling rivalry that kids outgrow or if it's something more. I try my best to keep the peace between each other and I feel that they do love each other, I just want them to love each other for ever and be close friends when they grow up.

*That my daughters won't be able to stand me when they turn teenagers.
Me and my mom were really close until I turned 12, then after that I think that we had more of a difficult time being around each other. Our personalities are quite different and at times I believe that we love each other more when we are apart. And get along much better when our communication is done over the phone more that in person. I really hope that the closeness that I have with my daughters now would continue into the teenage years.

*Not being able to stop eating.
I have a tendency to eat a lot, not excessively, but I snack a lot, more like grazing, if that's the word. I am at the moment in the process of loosing weight and I tend to not want to stop eating when I should. My mind tells me not to eat all the leftovers of the dinner, to save it for lunch but somehow sometimes I just end up eating it right then and there. I keep eating sometimes when I'm clearly not hungry anymore. But it seems that any time that I try to decrease the amount of food I eat, just the thought of me feeling deprived it triggers me going into a binge, and eating more than what is necessary to nourish my body. I am lucky that no matter how much I eat, I never gain weight, so it would make sense that with just a little bit of cutting down on calories and exercising more I should be able to loose the weight relatively quickly. It's just a matter of do in it without freaking out.

How about you, are there any fears that you have? Do you think they are reasonable, or crazy? Please share!
Come back tomorrow for day 4 - Seven Wants