Tween/Teen Dating What's your take on it?

I have been sick, and haven't been sleeping much. I haven't been staying late to write my Blog, but I have so many things that I want to say. Recently I have encountered myself exposed to the probability of Tween/Teen Relationships. It has not been with my children, but with other children I know. And I tend to create bonds with other kids around me, as if they are my own, so I feel like I have a responsibility to them, even if they are not mine.

It got me thinking, about the post I wrote on what I wish I knew when I was 13. And how there are many things that I didn't even put on that list. When I was 13 I fell in love with a boy who was a "bad boy". He was into heavy metal and wore an earring. He was always in trouble and wasn't allowed to go out much so our relationship was one mainly on the phone. We maybe saw each other about 6 times. My mom didn't like him, but in a way that make me like him more. It was silly, but it was my way of exploring my feelings and trying to figure out what was going on with me and growing up. I was very lucky that I was raised in a nice environment with nice people. Had I been raised in a bad neighborhood and allowed to hang out with bad influences then things would have turned out very differently. I had a very clear idea of what I was allowed to do and what I wasn't supposed to do, and there was a real fear of authority, I mean I was afraid of what my mom would do to me if I would ever do something I wasn't supposed to do. So for the most part I didn't do anything that I wasn't supposed to do. But in a way that made me wonder, and left many questions unanswered regarding the things I would dare to do, or maybe about things I wanted to do but was to afraid to do.

When I think about the things I want for my daughters I think that when they are old enough to date I would want them to know that they are bound to have feelings that might make them confused, but that they are all part of growing up and that it is perfectly natural to have feelings and emotions toward boys. I want them to know the things that they can do, and what they should wait to do. Talk to them about the risks, the signs, and make them feel that they have someone that will listen to them and answer all the questions that they may have, and that I would be there for them no matter what.

If I had a boy I would want him to know that it is OK to be attracted to girls and that certain parts of their bodies will get their attention more that others and that it is also OK to think about it. I would want him to know that they should respect girls, and to take care of himself and not do anything that could put him or a girl at risk of anything.

At the end of the day, we all have feelings about sex, and love and that is part of what it makes us human. And I want my children to learn that sex is not a bad evil thing, and that they should be knowledgeable and smart, and learn to make the right decisions at the right time and to always act responsibly and be safe.

This is such a touchy subject and can sometimes be taboo, but I think that telling a kid that they are forbidden to date is just pushing them to do it even more, and without a parent's guidance they are bound to make more mistakes than if they had been allowed to express themselves openly in front of their parents.

What do you think about teen dating? What age would you allow your child to date? Are the rules different from boys than from girls?

Journey to Self Discovery

Not all of you know me well yet, but I want to share that for a lot of my life I have been trying to search for my True Identity. That's why I have started this Blog to begin with. Because I believe that if we help our children be true to themselves right from the beginning, then they will grow to be self confident, happy individuals. And that is my goal, to help parents all over the world to help their kids find their true selves, and at the same time help the parents to find themselves as well, because I know from experience that many times, parents, especially moms, tend to loose part of themselves after they get married, and even more when they have kids. Because women are usually raised to be selfless and nurturing, and they tend to take care of others all the time, and put themselves last. This is not the case with everyone, but I have met many people who have this problem. I am now so much closer to being my true self than I have ever been before, but I still have a bit more to go. I hope that by me telling my story I will be able to help others along the way.

I won't start at the beginning, or say the reasons why things happen the way they do, but I just want to share an experience with all of you.

When I was a little girl I occupied my time doing one of several things, reading, writing my dreams and making stories out of them, drawing, day dreaming, and watching TV and movies and obsessing about famous people. As I grew I came to think that the things I used to do when I was a child were nonsense. So I stopped doing them. I stopped doing every single thing I loved doing as a child and I was left with nothing. After I got married and had children I concentrated on trying to fit this idea of what I thought the perfect wife and mother should be, and idea that I got from somewhere else, not from my heart. I kept trying and trying to be something that I felt I couldn't be. For years I did this, and I lost myself, I lost all interest in things, I became a boring person, just following along, doing what I felt I had to do, not liking anything. I even decided to stop looking at things that I liked, I avoided things that made me happy because I thought that by looking or thinking about things that I liked I would just suffer to know that I couldn't have it. So I tried to avoid pain, by thinking that I did not deserve anything, by not expecting to get anything. Aiming low so that I couldn't get disappointed. But no matter how hard I tried it seemed like everything was bad and nothing could go my way. I went deep into depression for a while but I bounced back after falling in the deepest of wells. And I survived. Then a friend of mine gave me this book about the Law of Attraction and how it is possible to attract good things to you by having happy thoughts and having happy emotions tied to those thoughts. I realized that I had made a big mistake in life by thinking that I should avoid pain by not looking at the things that I loved. I stopped having desires, I never got clarity, focus. I never placed a goal in my life except the one to live a long life. Now I know that I must re-gain clarity, that I must remember the things that made me happy when I was a child and bring back that passion for life once more. Embrace the true gifts that I was born with, and share them with the world.

Have you ever felt like you have lost your way? What have you done to gain it all back?

Playing with the sun

Today was a very hot day in NYC. Extremely hot I would say. 113 degrees F the weather channel on my phone said. I am a person who was raised in the Caribbean and I'm used to the heat, yet the weather in PR is mainly between 75 to 85 degrees, sometimes it gets down to 65 or up to 95, but I don't think I have ever been in PR at a time when it was above 100 degrees. Maybe now it might be different with the weather changes and all but I must say I have not experienced it myself. Today as I walked to work I felt as if I had stepped into an oven a huge immense oven and I was happy to get inside my office with nice cool AC.

So today, I am going to share with you a picture I took of the sun last weekend. I played with it in Photo Shop and changed the colors a bit, see which version looks better.

Green Sun

Purple Sun

Orange Sun

Please let me know which one of these pictures is your favorite. Green, Purple or Orange.

Being a Blogging Mama is Hard Work! Who knew?!

I am exhausted, it's almost 1 am and now I just finished my Bloggy work. What is Bloggy work? Something I just made up. But it refers to the act of reading other blogs, following, commenting, participating in events for Bloggers groups etc. It took me several hours of this and now I have a few minutes to share my post.
Many people out there may think that Blogging is easy but it's not, there is so much work that goes into it, it's not just coming up with something to write, that would take a few minutes of your day. But if you want to be successful at this you need to build a community, find people you like and have people find you and like you. You cannot create a community who follows you by simply writing in your personal blog and not doing anything else.
I have joined several Blogging Groups:
Circle of Moms
Social Moms
Bloggy Moms
Mom Bloggers Club
VoiceBoks

and then I have Twitter and Facebook
The good thing about all these websites is that you get to meet other Bloggers like you, there is a strong sense of community and we help each other out. The bad thing about it is that it takes a lot of time and effort to do it right, to have time to find the other blogs that really appeal to you, to create connections, to make friends. Because the main purpose of my Blog is to impact people in a good way, to help people, to inspire.
Right now I sit here, thinking whether I should do the dishes or not, and also notice the pile of laundry that I never got to put away after washing it. I guess tomorrow is another day.
If you are a blogger I recommend you check out the Groups I have mentioned, it is worth it, and if you are already a member of them, how do you find the time to do everything? Do you have some tricks? A routine? I work part time outside the house and today I had my Women's Writing Group and had to take my daughter to the eye doctor, so had a full day. How do you squeeze time for everything?

What you wish you knew at 13?

 I am reviving this post I wrote a while back, because I believe that it has important information that I would like to share especially since now I am getting more views.


The other day as I put my nine year old daughter to sleep and I listened to her talk about tween dilemas I realized as I saw tears trickle down her face that children are just learning about the world. They are at the very beginning of life, when the worst worries are about fitting in, and homework. A time when you cry over a mean comment or get frustrated when homework is too boring. They do not worry about bills to pay or their safety, or about eating healthy or being able to keep a job. They don't have to worry about retirement or elderly parents or any of the worries that we grownups have. And it hit me. What if we could prepare our children to be well adjusted adults by letting them in on well kept secrets only grown-ups know.
That's why I created this website.
Children need to be able to grow with healthy self esteems, know to make decisions that will help them to make better choices.
As I look back upon my life I wonder about the things I wish my mom would have told me about life that I never got to find out until I was all grown. I also see myself constantly searching for my true identity at 35 when I should have found out at least 20 years ago. This constant search for answers, a steady flow of doubt and insecurities that has troubled me for years. What if I had known then what I know now? Would my life be different? What if I had started writing 20 years ago, would my career be better? And although its true that there are many things we will only learn the hard way, there are others that should be learned early on so as to make the most out of your experiences.
Of the things I wish I had known at 13 I have included a few.
* Pay attention to the things you love. There's always a way to make a living doing what you love.
* Date people and learn what qualities you like in a partner and which ones you don't.
* You dont need a college degree to be an artist. Take courses on each technique youd like to learn and practice practice practice.
* It is ok to make mistakes, and to do things you want even though they may not be approved by others.
* If something peaks your interest, research it & explore it.
* Once you have children your life will never be the same.
* Take time to learn about your family history & culture. Know your grandparents.
* Stay true to yourself, & if you dont know what that is. Make it your purpose to find out.
* Give your time to a cause you believe in. Every effort makes a huge difference.
* Find happiness in everyday things.
* Be grateful.
* Dont be afraid to be silly.
* Be a mentor and/or follow one.
* Cultivate your spirit.
* Be kind.
* Be strong.
* Have faith always.
* Don't be afraid to try and change the world.

Dove has been working on helping girls increase their self esteem and they have in their website a part where you can say to others What do you wish you knew when you where 13.

I believe the problem is not finding things to teach our children, but finding a way to teach them so that they will be receptive to the lesson. Because there are things that cannot be told. They have to be experienced in order for them to be learned.

What things you know now that you wish you had learned as a child? And what ideas you have on techniques to teach these ideas? I want to hear from you.

Would you consider going back to school?

Most of my friends could not believe that when I was a child I loved school. Most kids tend to not like school, but I was different. Sometimes I think that somehow if I had never gotten married I would still be in school. I just love learning things, yet with family, kids, and work outside the home thinking about going back to school seems scary. How to do this if I feel like I barely have time for myself? But recently I have been reading this awesome book called Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill and this book even though it was written in 1937 it teaches you such great knowledge, not only knowledge that would help you get rich, but knowledge that would help you be successful in anything you want. In the Book Napoleon Hill says: "The "missing link" in all systems of education known to civilization today, may be found in the failure of educational institutions to teach their students HOW TO ORGANIZE AND USE KNOWLEDGE AFTER THEY ACQUIRE IT"  He even suggests that colleges should require that their students choose a specialization after a couple of years in the college and not allow them to keep studying things of general knowledge. He says "As knowledge is acquired it must be organized and put into use, for a definite purpose, through practical plans. Knowledge has no value except that which can be gained from its application toward some worthy end." I wish I had read this book when I was in college. I took 5 years of college and gathered random bits of information that I have no use for now. I did not specialize in anything. I didn't know what to do with my life, and it has taken me more than 15 years to finally feel like I'm getting somewhere, that I have an idea of what my life's purpose is. I think it is imperative that we educate ourselves, find our purpose and gather specialized knowledge that will help us reach our best potential. The new generation of children should be taught this early on, that way we can help them to avoid going through life undecided, we need to help our children be their best selves, we as parents can help them realize what their talents are, and help them perfect those talents, but genuinely help them see their own talents not the idealized image that we may have for them, but that's a whole other post.
As Napoleon Hill says: "If you contemplate taking additional schooling, first determine the purpose for which you want the knowledge you are seeking, then learn where this particular sort of knowledge can be obtained, from reliable sources." Specialized Knowledge is the key!
Now a days it is so much easier to go back to college with all these online courses and financial aid available.
If you are in need of a new perspective in life, consider online college
classes Inspire yourself with the huge variety of courses available with accredited colleges.
So how about you? Do you think that you would go back to college if you had the chance? Tell me your story.

Hiding behind the clouds

The other day I went to Staten Island to see the son of the man who raised me. He is a tattoo artist and a very good one at that. My husband wanted to get a tattoo to honor his mom who recently passed away. And on our way there from Brooklyn I was able to take this awesome picture of the sun hiding behind the clouds.

Hope you like it! :)

What do you guys think? You can see the rays and everything! :)

Check out my new Facebook Page!

Well, today my daughter tells me she made a Fan Page for Hatsune Miku on Facebook, I check it out and it's pretty good! I tell her to please help me out with mine. I had tried to make a fan page for my Blog a while back yet I had not been able to figure out how to make it all nice and pretty and functional, so Gaby went on my page and made it all nice. Now I have a few followers and I'm all excited about it.
Please check my new Facebook Page for Cocoons2Butterflies I need 25 Likes to be able to have a username so please "Like me" on the page. Also as a Thank you to my daughter for helping me out I will promote her Hatsune Miku Fan Page as well. Please check it out and "like" it.

Kids these days can't imagine a world without technology

The other day I was talking to Gaby about how her grandpa's son looked so much like her grandpa when he was young. Gaby was already tucked into bed and I say: "Gaby, I think I know where there is a picture of Grandpa when he was young, let me get it for you" and she replies with: "I'm not going back there!" Going where? That's when I realized that she assumed that I was talking about a digital picture in my computer. That's when it struck me that this generation associates Digital images with pictures, MP3's with music, they cannot imagine life without technology, they cannot remember when there was no internet, or Ipods, or cellphones for that matter. I can remember the first time Music CD's came in the market and how excited I was to buy my first CD, this was a breakthrough in technology to me. No more worrying that your cassette player would eat your tape and ruin your cassette. With the birth of DVD's there was no more rewinding! Be Kind Rewind! Do you remember that?

I remember the first time I used a computer, I was 18 and I was in college. I remember being so amazed that I could search anything I wanted and I could find it within minutes in the internet. No more going to the library to search the encyclopedias for what I needed to find. I hated encyclopedias.
I also owned my first cell phone in my 20's, and they were only capable of making calls, nothing more.

I remember LP's and 45's, Black & White TV's, TV antennas that were attached to the roof of the house, Atari, Walkman, Beepers, Cassette Tapes, and Rotary Phones, VHS/VCR's, Drive In Theaters, the days when I needed to use a typewriter or a word processor to do my homework. No computers.

It is surprising how kids these days have such a different perspective than the ones we used to have, and it's great, the advances in technology have gone very far, and I'm sure that my future grand kids will live in a different world as well with even more advancements.
I love the way technology is going, and I can't wait to see what they come up with next. I am so glad because if it wasn't for technology I wouldn't be writing this and sharing it with you today.

What do you think about technology and what things do you remember from the olden days when the technology wasn't as advanced?

How to make the most out of your time

Today I am going to share with you an article written by Christine Kane about how to make the best of your time and get more things done. I have this problem a lot, and I'm constantly trying to find the time to do everything that I need to do, and the hours seem to pass me by and not much gets done some days. I'm sure most of you have had that problem at some point.
So here it goes. :)

Stop the Splatter! How to Reclaim Your Attention and Get More Done

by Christine Kane

Have you ever been at home all day when there's nothing in the fridge?

You open the door. You poke your head in. You hum a little tune and look around. You sigh. You grab a handful of pine nuts. You go back to your desk.

About an hour later, you're hungry.

So you go back to the fridge and look again. Nothing new has appeared. You pull out some black olives, put them on a saucer, and go back to your desk.

You think, "I should go out and get something to eat." But you don't. A part of you is convinced that a solution will appear. Maybe a Sous Chef will arrive at your door.

Amazingly, this doesn't happen.

Eventually you're back at the fridge. You look in. Then, you close the door, reach up to the cereal cabinet and grab a handful of Kashi...

What happens in this scenario is that you eat all day, but you never feel satisfied. By 5pm, you're strung out, unfulfilled, and you wonder why.

Here's why:

You ate. But you never actually fed yourself.

We do this exact same thing with our attention. We dabble in random things. But we never really commit to anything.

I call it Attention Splatter. It's when you mindlessly and half-heartedly splatter your attention on non-activities. But you never fully engage.

Remember this: Your attention ultimately feeds you. It feeds your heart and your mind. This is why it's so important to notice what you give your attention to. This is also why splattered attention leaves you unfulfilled. You never actually feed yourself.

The most common Attention Splatter culprits are:

- Email

- Cell phones

- Clutter

- Facebook

- Television

- Endless Google searches

If you are prone to Attention Splatter, here are seven ways to feed yourself and get more done.

1 - Have no more than three priorities for the day.

There's only so many things you can get done in a day and still enjoy the day. Get into the habit of spending five minutes each night deciding what one thing you want to get done the next day. Ask yourself, "If I only accomplish one thing tomorrow, which one thing would make me most happy?"

2 - Know the task before you sit down at the computer.

This is a must. When you don't do this, you can get lost in the millions of non-items that any computer has to offer.

Assign tasks. (i.e. "Clean out email folders") Assign times. ("From 1pm to 2pm") Stop as soon as the end time arrives.

3 - Put an end to activities that leak.

Make a list of "leaky" activities, and stop the leak by scheduling these activities. (As opposed to letting them take over your day.)

For instance, instead of letting email leak all over your day - all day every day - schedule email as an activity at a certain time each day. Every activity should have a home - a space for its completion. Otherwise, you set yourself up for a full day of splatter.

4 - Leverage your small slices of time.br />
It's easy to look up at the clock and see that you have, say, 45 minutes before an appointment and think, "Well, I don't have time to do anything substantial. So, I guess I'll just go on line."

Turn your thinking around! Learn to fit constructive things in to small slices of time. It's amazing what you can complete in a short focused slice of time!

5 - Use your intention.

Before you begin any activity, set an intention for that activity. Intend your desired outcome and how you want to feel during the activity. This is the ultimate act of creativity.

6 - Get rid of anything that doesn't feed you.

Incoming emails, group emails, magazine subscriptions, news aggregate feeds, TiVo, memberships, unread books...

The list of incoming stuff goes on and on.

Get your life in order. Get rid of anything that doesn't feed you. If you subscribe to it, ask yourself why. Start letting go of stuff. Doing this one thing has helped me create a home and office environment that is healthy and sacred. Be ruthless about keeping the incoming stuff to a minimum.

7 - Be present in your down-time.

When you take a nap, take a nap. When you take a Saturday off, really take it off. Don't spend the day obsessing about the things you should be doing. Turn off the computer. Get out of your office. Go away.

Fully disengaging from all of it for fun is imperative. Plus, this will allow you to return with renewed energy and attention!

---

Christine Kane is the Mentor to Women Who are Changing the World. She helps women uplevel their lives, their businesses and their success. Her weekly LiveCreative eZine goes out to over 20,000 subscribers. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can sign up for a F.R.E.E. subscription at http://christinekane.com.

The Moon in Atlantic City

This weekend we had a mini vacation and we went to Atlantic City for the weekend, we had a blast, we went to the beach bought tons of Candy and had fun in the rides.
That night I had the opportunity to photograph the moon with a dark cloud over it. I really loved it so I want to share it with you.

Since I got my new Canon Power Shot SX210 IS this past Christmas I must say it is my favorite camera ever, and I love being able to take pictures of the moon. For years I have dreamed of being able to take pictures of the moon and never had it looked better than a small blurry dot in the sky.
So what do you guys think? Is it awesome or what?

Do you ever think about your own funeral?

This may seem an odd topic, but since my mother in law died I have been contemplating about death. Many people love my mother in law and they were all supportive of the family, so many people were present and sad for her passing, and it got me thinking about my own passing. My husband's family is so large, and so close, and I see my family as so small. Even though we have a lot of cousins, it seems as if we are not as close as my husband's family.  In my family people tend to live forever, 97 is an average age of living, so when I do pass, who is going to come to my funeral? I can think of a handful of people, but I don't know everyone in my family, so...who knows. Who will still be alive? Will my nieces on my husband side come to my funeral? Would they even care? I know my daughters would come, and their kids. But that's it. There will be no big gathering of people over me, I will be alone, and that's scary. Would any of my friends still be alive, will their kids care? Maybe Bibi's daughter, my niece and nephew from my sister, Mia, that's it? Will they buy me flowers, or make a poster of me, would they even make those little notes that they give with the info of the person, would anyone make a monthly note to give to family and friends to remember me by? I have only been to a handful of funerals and I don't remember much. I don't know how to do these things, what's the procedure, I don't know. It's all to scary. I know I have a long way to go, but I want people to remember me when I pass, I want people to say they were glad to have met me, maybe I should start making stronger ties with people, so that when I do die, more than a handful of people will even care.

How do you deal when your hubby is out of town?

Recently my mother in law passed away and before that, in the ending of May she had gotten sick and my hubby went to be by her side. He spend about a week away and as the days went by I noticed myself getting antsy. I sleep in the corner of the bed, I feel bad locking the door with the chain because I have this sensation that he's going to come in soon. It is like his presence is here even though he isn't. Last time he was away I realized that I spent quite some time shopping. I spent a few hundred dollars in stuff and I cried as I put things in my shopping cart because part of me knew that I was just shopping to make myself feel better. Shopping Therapy is real! I don't know what it is, maybe is the fact that we give ourselves a treat, something that makes us feel good, like for example, last time I bought myself a blender, and some margarita mixers. This time since my hubby left to the funeral, I have found a way to be out of the house every day, and I bought myself some make-up, about $70 worth of it. : P And everything I buy is thinking about him. I buy make up to make me these cat-eyes, that he likes so much and I don't know how to do. I have learned quite a few things about myself  that I didn't realize it until I have spent this time away from him. I enjoy sleeping with him in my bed, feeling his body close to mine, especially when he puts his arm around me. I enjoy watching certain TV shows with him, like The Voice, and White Collar, Modern Family, The Middle, etc. It is not the same without him. I enjoy having this time to spend it with him, even if we are only staring at the TV, even if I fall asleep half way. I find it so valuable to be able to laugh together like we do when we watch these shows.
Another thing I learned is that I like going out, I hesitate to go out sometimes because I feel overwhelmed with things sometimes, but once I block that I fully enjoy going out. I work part time, it's summer, girls don't have school, or homework, so there's no need to worry about getting home late. The only drawback is no time for chores. I want to be able to go out with my hubby more often. I used to be so concerned about my work before, but now, I don't care anymore, I do not live to work, that's something I learned recently about me too.
Because I believe we are constantly evolving, and the things that made us who we were 3 years ago, are not the same things that make us who we are today. And I know I am so different than what I was 3 years ago, and my hubby it is as well. We constantly need to learn about each other and be able to put the past behind us so that we can grow and bloom.
How do you deal when your husband is out of town?